The meds have always kept things level. Predictable. My body doesn’t do surprises.
Except now it is.
I retreat back to the sofa, curling tight beneath the blanket. The house suddenly feels too big. Too empty. The silence presses in, thick and wrong.
At least I’ve got the day off. I cling to that small mercy, even as the knot in my stomach tightens at the thought of tomorrow – of turning up like this, because I’m too new to risk not turning up at all.
I don’t want to be alone.
The realisation steals my breath.
Not lonely.
Alone.
The thought of Koa the day I met him – of someone solid andthere– hits harder than it should.
I unlock my phone without thinking. Finn’s name sits there. So does Koa’s – still unresolved, still awkward. After I decided to give him another chance, we exchanged numbers and he’s sent me a couple of texts since, but I’ve not replied since becoming unwell.
My stomach twists, something low and unsettled pulling tighter at the sight of his name.
I don’t even know which version of him I’d get. The soft and caring boy I initially fell for, or the cocky playboy I should probably forget about yet can’t seem to let go.
I don’t open either message. I just stare at the screen, fingers hovering, hesitating, as my body buzzes with a restless need I can’t name.
This isn’t about sex. That’s the furthest thing from my mind when I feel like this. And it’s not just that I want someone here with me for company. It’s that something in me keeps circling back to him – even when I’m not sure I like him. It’s deeper than…anything I’ve ever experienced before.
Quieter. More frightening.
And that’s why I do nothing. Because I’m terrified.
But as evening creeps closer, the ache in my neck throbs in time with my pulse. Heat pools low in my belly despite the chills wracking my spine. My thoughts scatter, sliding sideways, looping back to sensation instead of logic.
Touch. Warmth. Proximity.
Not random. Not just anyone.
Need.
I don’t remember falling asleep.
Only that when I do, I dream of running again – not from fear, but longing. Of footsteps behind me that never quite catch up. Of a presence just out of reach.
And when I wake, sweating and disoriented, one truth settles heavy and undeniable in my chest: Something has been set in motion.
And I don’t think I can stop it.
BETA BAIT
Beta Bait:Do you still love the thrill of the chase? Come back, we miss you!
SIXTEEN
FINN
The bellabove the beachside grill door gives its usual tinny chime as I step inside, the muted clatter swallowed by the hush of mid-morning drizzle. The place smells like burnt toast and cinnamon syrup, warm and too sweet, the kind of scent that clings to your clothes even when you don’t stay long. I don’t usually come here. Too cramped. Too loud. But today, I’m not here for coffee.
I’m here for her.