About the pain I felt watching my dad lose the love of his life. And the ache in my mother’s eyes knowing she was leaving us behind. For a split second, I tried to bury that heartbreak with Foster. But he only made the suffering worse.
“My only responsibilities now are to my dad and to my students,” I add. “And of course my chosen family.”
He unfolds his arms. “Your chosen family?”
“Sayla. And you.” Just saying the names out loud calms my heart rate a beat or two. “We’re all only children with—let’s be honest—complicatedparental relationships. And somehow we found each other. That’s pretty special, right? The family you pick? Dex is a part of that by default now. And he happens to have a fantastic family we can borrow by osmosis or something.”
“Yeah, that’s not how osmosis works.”
“Wow.” I fake a scoff. “You and your science facts just can’t help yourselves.”
He pushes out a chuckle. “You’re the one who proposed to me, remember?”
“Anyway, my point is, our little triangle of friendship is forever,” I say. “Or I guess it’s a square, if you count Dex. And when the time comes, and you fall in love for real, I’ll step aside and let whoever you choose join our … umm …” I snap my fingers. “What shape has five sides?”
“A pentagon.”
“Right.” I screw up my face. “But that sounds political. A pentagon of people? Ha! Well, hopefully Sayla and Dex will have a kid by then, and we can be a … ummm …”
“A hexagon.”
“Ugh. Hexagon sounds vaguely witchy.”
“Maybe you should cut back on the coffee.”
“My caffeine intake is a future problem,” I say. “In the present, we’ve got no time to waste. Your birthday’s in three weeks.”
“It is.”
“So you know what we have to do now, don’t you?”
“No. What?”
I hand him his mug. “Finish your coffee,” I say. “Then we call your mom.”
Chapter Seven
Bridger
This is by far the dumbest thing I’ve ever considered doing, and I once jumped off a roof onto a trampoline while riding a bike.
My entire life flashed before my eyes that day.
But this is worse.
All I see in front of me now is an impossible future, pretending Idon’t have legitimate feelings for Loren. For as long as we both shall live.
Or until Loren accidentally falls head over heels in love with some other guy who isn’t me.
Which would be the worst.
She claims that will never happen. But if it did, I’d have to let her out of our arrangement. That’s the deal, right? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. And in this situation, I’m the idiot gander, honking out my love for a woman who’ll never want me back.
My only consolation is that I’ll be able to give hereverything she needs, and most of what she wants. Security for her father. Two or three fewer jobs. The belief that she’s doing me the favor, so there’s no risk to her pride.
Conversely, by agreeing to marry Loren, I’m setting myself up for inevitable pain. Not just emotionally, but physically. In fact, my heart’s already thrashing against my ribs. Could I actually be married to this incredible human, my legal spouse, and never kiss her for real? Never hold her in my arms in any authentic way?
I’d have to.