“Way better than mine.” The words tumble out. Gruffly. “Then again, hard to be worse.”
More quiet from Dex.
By now, he’s heard the bare-bones history of my father taking off. And the tourniquet my mom tightened around me afterward. But Dex can’t relate to that kind of family dysfunction. And my parental trauma’s the one thing I swore I’d never let define me.
So I brush it off. “My point is, Harlan’s a good man.”
Dex nods. “He sure raised a good daughter.”
“He did.” My heart swells a little at this simple sweetness from my friend. “He doesn’t always remember what he’s told me from one day to the next,” I add, “but his stories about Loren are pretty great.”
Dex squints.
Uh-oh. Maybe he didn’t catch?—
“I thought he moved to that Havenwood place a couple weeks ago.”
Yeah. He caught it. Maybe Dex is sharper than I’ve been giving him credit for. Maybe I should take his assessment of Loren’s feelings more seriously. Maybe?—
“How many times have you seen Loren’s dad?”
I grimace. “Several.”
“Like twice? Or a million? Give me a ballpark.”
I pause for a moment, weighing my options. Telling Dex the truth is where I land. “Every afternoon,” I admit. “While Loren’s tutoring. But you can’t tell Sayla, because Sayla will tell Loren.”
He cocks his chin. “And that’s a problem because …”
“Because Loren doesn’t know.”
“Whoa.” Dex lets out a low whistle. “Okay.”
“To be fair, I didn’t start out going behind her back,” I say. “I went over to Havenwood to discuss future donation options with the director, and Harlan came up to say hi. He wasn’t sure where we’d met, but he recognized me, and his face lit up when he found out I knew Loren. He started telling me about her, and I was … hooked.” My mouth curves up, remembering. “I came back the next day because I had to see that look in his eyes again. And I just wanted to hear more about Loren from the man who loved her first, you know?”
“First?”
I suck in air, and my ribs expand to the point where I feel like they might split straight up the middle.
“Man, you’re really in deep,” Dex says. Not a question. “Likeallthe way in.”
Yeah. I really am. All the way in. Not a question. But the exact words won’t come out of my mouth before I’ve told Loren. And I can’t tell her.
Yet.
“I don’t get it, though.” Dex hunches over, palms splayedon his knees. “Why not tell Loren you go see her dad sometimes?”
My airway cinches. I’ve got barely enough room to breathe. “I don’t want her to think I’m trying to manipulate her.”
Dex screws up his face. “That doesn’t sound like Loren. Or like your relationship with her. She totally trusts you.”
“Which makes this worse,” I grit out.
“How, exactly? Explain it to me like I’m four.”
I clear my throat. “Okay. Let’s say you're right, and Loren’s got some new feelings for me,” I begin. “And let’s say I’ve seen some things that make me think this could be true, too.”
“Itistrue,” he insists.