“Good. He would never let me live it down.”
“Well, why don’t we change that then,” I tell him excitedly.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“Open ourselves up again. I’m turning thirty next year, and I feel like I should have my shit together by then. You’ve got a couple of years till you feel that.”
“I’m only twenty-eight,” he grumbles.
“You’re just a baby,” I tease him like the meme.
“Fuck you. Want me to come over and show you how much of a man I am, help break that drought,” he throws at me.
“Um …”
“Shit, sorry. I let the banter run away with me. That was inappropriate.” He backtracks quickly.
“To be fair, if I didn’t think it was a terrible idea, I would ask you to help. All those Reddit comments can’t be wrong.”
“Aw, Lettie, that is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he says, mocking me.
“Screw you.” I giggle.
“You wish, but it’s a terrible idea. Go have fun with your vibrator,” he teases.
“At least he’s never let me down, unlike so many men.” I sigh.
“Oh no, my dick can’t hear this. It’s like you’re sending up the bat signal for bad sex, and he feels like he needs to rescue you,” he jokes.
“Oh my god, you’re crazy,” I say, cracking up laughing. How the hell did we get here?
“Takes one to know one,” he bites back.
“Just so you know, this conversation never happened. I will deny its existence,” I warn him.
“And so will I,” he says in agreement.
“Well, maybe we should give this wing person thing a shot. You sucked last night, you promised me all these single guys.”
“There were heaps of single guys at the event. It’s not my fault you found the one super fan out of them all,” he argues. He’s not wrong, I guess.
“Fine. But look, maybe we need each other to find the right person for each of us,” I tell him.
“I guess, I’m game.”
“That’s the spirit,” I tell him enthusiastically. “I bet you’re regretting texting me now.”
“Kind of,” he grumbles.
“Boo hoo. Don’t you have to get going to the gym anyway?” I remind him.
“I do. And don’t you have a box of cereal to finish?” he adds.
“I do.” I shovel some more cereal into my mouth.
“You’re a loud chewer. Anyway, have a good day, I’ll see ya tomorrow at the game.”
“I’ll be there, annoying the shit out of you.”