The guard on duty gives me a dirty look but I ignore him. The only thing I want to do is go to my bed and curl into a ball.
That’s how Enzo finds me when he returns home.
“You just had to sneak out, didn’t you?” he asks, towering over me. I curl into more of a ball and squeeze my eyes shut but that only makes me think of Matteo so I open my eyes with a gasp. “When will you learn, Kira?”
“I’m sorry,” I sob before I can stop myself. My tears hit my eyes and stream down my face. Enzo rocks back on his heels like he had been shot.
“Are you… ok?”
“Like you even care.”
He furrows his brow. “What happened? My guards told me you left and before I could find you, you came back.”
“It’s nothing.” If I tell Enzo he’s just going to lose his freaking mind. He’s going to keep me locked away forever.
“It’s not nothing. You look terrified. What happened?”
“You don’t care about me. You have made that very clear. So why do you want to know?”
“Fine. Don’t tell me. But if you think I don’t care for you at all, Kira, then you’re blind.”
I force myself to look him in the eye. “You don’t care for me.”
“I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t care for you. I saw a vulnerable girl when I first met you and I’m seeing it again. You can tell me what happened.”
“Do you really think I’m a slut?” I whisper. “Does it bother you if I’ve been with other men?”
“I don’t think you’re a slut. I’ve never thought that. I would be a hypocrite if I judged you for sleeping around when I’ve done the same thing. Do I like that you’ve been with other men? I’m a little possessive, so no. But I don’t think you’re a slut.”
“Everyone thinks that because I let them think it. I’m not a slut. Not at all.”
Slowly, he sits down beside me. “Ok. But you can’t leave like you did today. It’s not safe. I have enemies. You should know that. Given that you grew up with your brother and father in this life. You should know it better than anyone.”
“I know,” I snap. “I know life isn’t safe. I shouldn’t have left like I did. But you’ve been icing me out for days over what happened with Gianna. She wasn’t hurt. I didn’t want her to get hurt. I just wanted her to feel… free.”
“That’s not your decision to make.”
“And it’s not yours either. It’s hers.”
He goes quiet for a moment before he lays his hand on my arm but I pull away. The memory of Matteo grabbing me is still fresh in my mind.
“Kira. What happened?”
“I can’t,” I whisper.
“What happened?” His tone speaks to no disagreements.
“No.”
“Kira.”
“I’m a virgin,” I blurt out.
Enzo goes still. “You’re…”
“I’m not a slut. I’ve never been with a man before.”
“So why did you make me think you had been?”