There’s a clinking sound on the other side of the phone. Like a piece of ice hitting a glass cup. “I’m great, honey. I wanted to make sure you were coming down for Thanksgiving this week.”
To be honest, Thanksgiving break had been the very last thing on my mind. With classes and this whole Arden situation, most of the fall holidays have slipped my mind.
Did I miss Indigenous People’s Day? Damn.
“I don’t know, Mom. I’ve got a lot going on with—”
She cuts me off. “No excuses, Danika. We haven’t seen you since the summer and that’s unacceptable.”
She’s purposefully not mentioning my father by name, which is smart but still upsetting that she’d even think to lump him into the plans to get me to come home.
I’m torn. I want to see my mother. I do miss her for all intents and purposes, but her love for the man that abuses her dulls the shine on her motherhood crown.
And avoiding my father will be easy if I just spend my free time at Margot’s like I usually do. Although, now that I think about it, I’m not sure if she’ll be going home for Thanksgiving or if she’ll be going to Alex’s dad’s house. Now that that strained relationship is being mended, I know it’s important to Alex that he spends time with his dad and brother and where Alex goes, Margot goes.
I could still hang out there if I wanted to. Memaw would welcome me in with open arms. But…will Arden be there? We haven’t talked about Thanksgiving. We haven’t talked about a lot of things.
My mom is prattling on about whatever the hell and I have zoned out completely but I know how to shut her up.
“Yes, mother. I will be there.”
At the last possible second.
I hear my mom clap her hands together in delight, at least they’re not holding a glass anymore. “That’s great, Danika. We’ll be so glad to see you.”
I roll my eyes. “Great, Mom. See you soon then.”
She rattles on about flight details and airline miles but I’ve already tuned her out. I hang up after promising to check my email for plane tickets and pull up right to the apartment.
I’m in such a rush to get out of the car and get into the apartment to talk to Arden that I don’t bother checking the parking lot to see if he’s even at home.
Most college professors give their students the week of Thanksgiving off class to travel home to their families. Not medical school professors though.No rest for the wicked.
But that does mean, however, that it’s highly logical that Arden has gone home to South Carolina already. And my suspicion is confirmed when I open the door to our apartment and he’s gone.
I desperately need to talk to him. I need to apologize for the assumption I made. And I also know I need to do it in-person. This isn’t something I can just shoot off as a text message.
Hey Arden, sorry I thought you were cheating on me. Also, heard you’re in therapy. What’s the diagnosis?
I physically face palm. This is insane. I can’t wait, god knows how long to talk to him. I walk further into the apartment, pulling my phone out to dial his number but I stop in my tracks when I see a note sitting on the kitchen counter. A note addressed to me.
With trepidation, I lift the plain white paper. His handwriting is like chicken scratch but I can read it perfectly. I don’t wait any further to open it up.
Danika, he starts. No greeting. No Dani. Not even brat. My heart jumps to my throat as I continue reading.
I’m sorry for my part in this. I never meant to hurt you. You don’t deserve to feel an ounce of pain. In fact, all you deserve is love and devotion. I’ve always known that but I was never in a position to give it to you. And when I finally was, I fucked it all up. I want to tell you everything but I don’t think either one of us are ready for that so until then, I’ll leave you with this: We might’ve been a means to an end at the start of all this but now, you’re the only end I can see.
Arden
The tiny drop of water falls onto the page before I even realize I’m crying. He hasn’t fucked anything up. It’s me. I’m the one who made all the ridiculous assumptions even though he’s really never given me a reason to doubt him at all. I’m the one who kept him at arms length this entire time, even though I knew all he wanted was to be close to me.
I’m the one who hurt him.
He doesn’t deserve any of this.
God, I wish I could follow him right now to South Carolina, but I still have classes and playing hooky on Friday has already set me back. But now I’m more resolved than ever to see him and fix this. We belong together. A fact I’ve known since I was sixteen. It seems like it took a broken heart to make him realize it as well.
By the time Thursday morning hits, I’m dying to get home. I would’ve loved to be on a flight after classes ended on Wednesday but apparently, according to my mother, flights were much cheaper on Thursday morning so here I am, at the crack of dawn, ready to board a flight that will hopefully take me right to Arden’s door so I can apologize to him and cry on his shoulder and he’ll hold me tightly and hopefully forgive me.