“Aiden.”
“No, you know, I’m so—I’m so fuckingangrywith you.” I start pacing near the door simply because I have to move, my voice getting louder and my words coming faster. “Why the fuck would you get in the way like that?”
“Aiden.”
“We had a deal. I protect you. Not the other way around. That’s what we agreed to, and I need you to hold to your fucking end of it. I need you toneverdo that again. Because I can’t—I can’t lose someone else, all right? I fuckingcan’tlose another person that I love, and I swear to fucking God if you die on me, I’ll kill you.”
“Wolf.”
“Whatnow?What do you—” I turn and he’s right there, right in front of me, and I don’t know how I even missed him getting so close. “I can’t—” His eyes are on mine, his hands up as he comes even closer, a sign that he poses no threat to me, but hedoes. He does because I can’t bear this, just as I can’t even be angry with him because… “It’s my fucking fault. I didn’t stop it.”
“Aiden.” He’s almost pleading, willing me to listen, but what if he doesn’t understand? What if he wouldn’t want me if he did? “It wasn’t your responsibility to stop it.”
“No, I should’ve—I should’ve stopped it. You weren’t supposed to get in the way. I can’t—I can’t do this again. I couldn’t stop it. I just ran. She told me to run and I ran.”
“I ran, too. It’s okay,” Cypress says, his expression turning sad, but I don’t need his pity. I don’t deserve it.
“You ran after you did what needed to be done. I ran, because I was doing what I was told. Because I was too scared to do anything else. I should’ve fought. It was my fault. I let you get in the way. I let them get in the way. It was my fault. I was supposed to be home on time and I wasn’t. If he hadn’t been so tired, he wouldn’t have—”
“Aiden, you werenine,” Cypress says. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”
“I didn’t protect them,” I argue. “I didn’t protect you. It was my responsibility to be the one—”
“I didn’t want you to be,” he says simply. “And I can promise, neither did they. I don’twantyou to die for me, Aiden. Just like I don’t want you to kill for me, and I know you had to…” He searches my face again, the regret clear on his own. “I’m sorry…for making you add to your list of sins—”
“I don’t care about the fucking list,” I tell him, meaning it. “I don’t care how long one side gets, so long as I get to have you on the other. I don’t regret killing them, Cypress. I’d do it again. What I care about is that I didn’t protect you in time.”
“You did,” he argues. “I’m here. I’m alive.”
“But if I’d—”
“You can’t change what happened, wolf,” he says softly. “All you can do is try to change what happens next.”
I drag a hand through my hair. “I don’tknowwhat happens next.”
Cypress shrugs. “No one does. Butwecan figure it out, all right? No matter where the road leads.”
“We?” I look at him warily.
“Yes,we.” He smiles. “You said you’re in love with me. And I have been in love with you to the point of madness for nearly ten years, so—”
“You haven’t even known me tenweeks,” I remind him.
“Semantics.”
I roll my eyes, but I also take a deep breath in as he takes another step forward. “I didn’t say I was in love with you.”
“You did, wolf. It was right before you threatened to kill me if I die, which seems overly complicated, not to mention a waste to pay the ferryman twice. Though, I believe it’s the thought that counts.”
He’s so close, so close now I could touch him. “Why would you love me? How do you even know me well enough to decide?”
Cypress sighs, then grins, always finding everything so fucking entertaining.
“Loving you is not something I needed to decide, wolf. I was looking for you for so long. In every face I passed I looked for you, hoping that when I saw you, I would know. And I did. I saw you and I knew who you were in this life and in the next and in all the ones that came before, because you were mine in every single one of them. I saw you and I knew that I would gladly go through it all again, that I would relive every single moment of my life just to have one single moment where I mattered in yours. To have one single moment where you let me.”
I reach for him, finally pulling him to me so that my body is flush with his when I push him up against the door. As I hold him there, his hands grip my forearms and his eyes meet mine like they did that night in the alley, only maybe neither of us are afraid anymore.
“You matter to me, Cy,” I murmur, my mouth hovering over his. “Pretty sure I’ve been looking for you, too.”