“You know, you can’t always control what the heart wants. I saw that with Lucas when he met Ezra. The guy didn’t even know he was bisexual until he met him.” He twisted his lips. “Why are you doing this to yourself? It’s okay to be bisexual. It’s not a big deal.”
I pursed my lips and braced myself. “You recall the remarksmy dad made about gay men. Sure, he was probably drunk and hanging out with his buddies, but I don’t know what he’d think of me. I almost lost him after Mom died.” My eyes stung. I hated talking about this.
“No, he almost lostyouafter your mother died.” Fixing his gaze on mine, he grabbed my hand, squeezing it over the table. “He neglected both of you. I think the only reason he went into medical equipment sales was so he could travel and buy booze on the company’s dime. Okay, and play fucking golf with doctors.” He scowled and released me. “You both deserved better.”
My breath hitched. “He’s all I have left. Even if he’s not perfect, he’s the only one.” I bit back tears. How had the conversation turned on us?
“Not true, my man. You have me.” He rose and stepped to me, then wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “You’ll always have me, Colton. And you should be true to yourself. I watched Lucas bloom with Ezra. Don’t settle.”
As I sniffled, he let me go and then fell into his chair.
“Shit, I’m sorry I upset you.” As his gaze crept to mine, his eyes glistened. “You know how much I love you, man. I only want the best for you, and watching you fall apart after your mom died, well, it almost killed me.” A sad grin teased his lips. “And to see you now, this controlled, super nerd who never parties, never has fun anymore, never lets himself love, well, it’s still hard to watch.”
As my heart wrenched, I stared at my plate and whispered, “I know, but I can’t let that person out. The destructive partier that I became, he’s still in there and I can’t let him out.” I was terrified. If I let myself go, I could spiral, and I knew that. There was no other way.
Patting my hand, he said, “Okay, let’s talk about something fun then. How are your classes?” He chuckled.
I blew out a long breath. “Great. I’m getting all As.” I hadn’texpected the intensity of tonight. But he knew what I needed to hear and when to cut it off. He knew all of me. I dunked a roll into my sauce and ate it.
“Why doesit matter what I fucking wear?” I stared at myself in the mirrored closet door in my bedroom, at the white linen shirt and black shorts I’d put on. I’d changed countless times. Why? Because Travis Rowlings would be here any minute for another study session. I’d let Evan’s words sink too far into my head and now I was a mess.
I unbuttoned the shirt, and a hard knocking reverberated through the air.
“Fuck. He’s here.” I had no choice but to wear what I’d picked out. Buttoning the shirt, I strode through the main room and swung the door open.
Travis stood on the entry, wearing a charming smile, a tight ASU athletic shirt and matching shorts, his muscles filling everything out in the best way. “Hi, Colton. You were expecting me, right?”
I gaped and then blinked a few times, my heart beating into my throat. “I, uh, yes, I was. Come on in.” I stepped aside, letting his enormous frame through the doorway and into the room. My attention drew to his ass, swaying as he walked. “Couch or the dinette?”
“I enjoy sitting on the couch better. It’s more comfortable.” He sat at one end and dropped his bag on the floor at his feet.
“Would you like an orange Gatorade again?” I strode into the kitchen and pulled one out along with water. I’d bought these specifically for him, since Evan raved about them.
“Sure.” He slipped his laptop from his bag and watched me, his gaze curious.
As I approached with the drinks, I held out the Gatorade to him. “Here you go.” I needed to calm down. He was attractive,but there couldn’t be anything more. He was probably dating someone already.
As he took the drink from me, his grin widened. “Were you getting dressed when I got here?” He unscrewed the cap.
“No, uh…” I looked down at my shirt. “Why would you?—”
“The buttons are off. Here, let me fix them.” Setting his drink on the coffee table, he stood and unbuttoned my shirt, the light tapping of his fingers shivering across my skin. My dick plumped in my shorts, and I swallowed hard. “I guess I, uh, wasn’t paying attention when I buttoned it.”
“Yeah, I get it. I’ve done this more than once.” As he reached the bottom button, my shirt fell partly open. He made a small growl and his pupils flared. “Sorry, I’m gay so I can’t help but look. I like a smooth chest.” He buttoned the shirt, starting at the bottom. “You didn’t button it all the way up this time. Last time I came here, you had buttoned your polo all the way.”
He’d noticed that? I fought to control my breath. “Uh, yeah. It’s my nerdy tutor look.” I chuckled. “I don’t always dress this way. Just for students.” As his hands worked the top buttons, our gazes met.
“Do you want me to button it all the way up today?” He tilted his head as if admiring me. “You have an attractive neck. You should show it off.” His throat dipped. “But maybe it isn’t suitable for students?”
“No, leave the top two buttons open.” My hot cock stretched to my hip inside my briefs. He’d gotten me hard, just by buttoning my damn shirt. I was in so much trouble.
“Sure.” With a coy grin, he dropped his hands. “Anyway…” He scratched the side of his head and cleared his throat. “I still need some help with data structures.” As he stepped to the couch, he adjusted himself and then dropped in.
Was he hard too? Someone like me turned him on? “Okay, then let’s get started.” I sat next to him while he slipped his laptop out of his bag.
“Oh, I have the tickets for the game.” He reached into his bagand pulled out the tickets. “They’re right behind our bench. Great seats.” He held them out.
I took them from him, peeked at them, and set them on the table. “Thanks.” Should I tell him it’s a date with Sara? My gut churned. No, it felt wrong, and the date wouldn’t lead anywhere.