As my chest bloomed with warmth, I said, “I know. But right now, it’s what I need. I’ll save all my gut-spilling for the therapist.” Hopefully, they’d teach me how to do it and not spiral. Maybe I’d request this first.
“Sure.” He frowned and picked up his backpack. “Do you have anyone after me?”
“No.” I’d purposely left it open so we could spend more time together. “Do you want to stay for dinner and a movie again?” It had soothed something in me the last time we’d done it. I’d been so comfortable with him.
“Of course.” With a warm grin, he cupped my cheek and pressed a soft kiss on my lips. “Anything you want. I’m yours tonight.”
How could a person be so selfless? He was exactly what I needed right now. “Thanks.” I padded toward my kitchen while he set up on the couch. “Gatorade?”
“Yep.” He slipped his laptop from his bag.
As I grabbed the drinks, my mind replayed our conversations. He’d always said I could talk to him. Had he gone through a hard time coming out? Did he have experience with it? “Hey, Travis, what are your parents like?” After bringing him his drink, I dropped in beside him.
“They were born and raised in Austin, and they’re both pretty liberal. My dad is the head of recruiting for the Texas Longhorns.” After gazing toward the fireplace for a moment, he then focused on me. “He’s a football guy through and through. He pushed me to excel in the sport.”
“Yeah? What led you to ASU and not the Longhorns?” I unscrewed the cap on my water bottle. This conversation would keep me from being anxious about therapy.
The edge of his mouth lifted. “Two reasons. Some of my friends from my football camps were coming here, and if I played for the Longhorns, I was afraid the other players wouldn’t respect me for my skills. I figured everyone would always question whether I belonged there or if I secured a spot because of my dad.”
I nodded and sipped my water. “Yeah, I could see that.” But he was close with his father, wasn’t he? “Are you out to him?”
With a shrug, he said, “Sure. I came out to both my parents when I started dating Dante in high school.” He fingered the edge of his laptop. “We didn’t want to be secretive about it, and my parents already liked him. We were friends first.”
A pang swept across my chest. Here I was, making him be together with me in secret. But it was only until the semester was over. I breathed in deeply. What would happen after? Was I ready to date him in the open? Surely, he’d want that. My first reason for keeping this secret would be gone, and my excuses would ring hollow. “They just accepted it right away?” I squeezed my water bottle in my lap.
“Pretty much. My mom said she already knew—mother’s intuition, you know?” He studied me. “My dad was shocked and concerned about the reaction of the players on my high school team, but my coach was great. He didn’t tolerate any bullshit and if the guys were uneasy about it, no one expressed it to me.” He placed his hand on my thigh. “I was lucky. I know not everyone is. In fact, my roommate, Grey, is having a hard time with his father. He’s afraid his father will disown him if he finds out.”
My brows swept up. “Yeah?” So, I wasn’t alone in my fears. Would my father disown me? I didn’t know. He’d be upset and probably angry, though. “I don’t know if my dad would ever accept it.” I hung my head, my throat growing tight.
“Colton, it’s not something you have to confront right now. Let’s proceed one step at a time. Pick a therapist and talk it out with them first. We can enjoy each other’s company withouttelling your father.” He furrowed his brows. “I don’t want to pressure you.”
“You’re not.” I needed to get the topic of conversation off me. “What does your mother do?” My gaze found his.
“She’s a stay-at-home mom, always has been.” He chuckled. “She drove me to all my practices and watched all my games. She’s great.” His breath caught. “Can you tell me more about your mom?”
I swallowed hard. I could do this. “Before she got sick, she was a first-grade teacher.” My eyes stung. “She loved kids, but could only have one. I know she wanted more, but it just didn’t happen for her.” Why was it still so hard to talk about her?
As he slid his arm across my shoulders, he kissed my cheek. “So, you don’t have any siblings.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “I have an older brother. He’s an ER nurse and probably has kids all over the state of Texas he doesn’t know about.” He snickered.
“Really?” I lifted my head, my gaze meeting his. How might Mom’s death have felt with a sibling sharing it? Would my trauma have been less?
“Yeah, the guy gets around and never sticks with one woman for very long.” He scoffed a laugh.
“Does he resemble you physically?” Hell, if he did, I could see why women liked him. I drank my water as my body relaxed. Talking with him was easy.
“Yeah, except I’m much bigger and he’s terrible at sports. The guy’s got two left feet.” He snickered. “When I’m home, we work out at the gym together, so he stays in shape.” He smirked. “I think he only does it to rein women in.”
“You’re not like that. I mean, with guys.” Or was he? I’d just assumed he was a nice guy. I peered at him. If he were a player, would he tell me?
“No, I’m not like that.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Sure, I’ve hooked up with plenty of guys, but when I find someone I connect with…” He pulled me in closer. “I stick with him.” His gaze fell to my lips. “Like you.” He gave me a gentle kiss and straightened. “Is there anything else you want to know?”
Shaking my head, I said, “No. We should probably look at your next assignment.” With a soft sigh, I sank into the couch. He made it so easy to want a relationship with him. As he opened his laptop, my heart bloomed with warmth. They’d raised him to be patient and understanding. He was perfect for me and damn, my heart wanted him badly. Was I falling for him? Hell yes. How could I not?
While sitting at my dinette,I scanned the list of names the help center had sent me. How should I pick one? Did I want a male or a female therapist? Were any of them queer? I thought back to Thursday night. After my conversation with Travis, we studied, ordered pizza, and then watched a sci-fi movie. For once, we did nothing sexual. I’d been too emotionally drained, and he’d probably sensed it.
With a huff, I entered one of the names into a Google search. Maybe there were ratings for the therapists? A website showed at the top of the search, and I clicked on it. Holy hell, I’d hit the mother lode. Each therapist listing included a brief biography.
Carefully, I entered the names from my list into the search bar and read each bio. My goal was to select one by the end of the day and make an appointment. I would not permit myself to delay this. Tex was fast becoming too important to me to let this slide, and I wanted him to be proud of me when we went on our date tomorrow. I wanted to be the brave person he said I was.