“Not in words, but…in actions, in looks. In the way he’d listen to me, truly listen, when nobody else would.”
“Did you consider Jack your boyfriend?”
“No,” I replied with a shake of my head. “Not in those early days. We were never so conventional. We were … companions. Friends. Allies in a world that often felt too large and too small all at once.”
Diane studied me in that probing way of hers, her eyebrows knitted together in a thoughtful arch. She took a slow sip of her coffee, her gaze unyielding.
“Do you regret not telling him how you felt?”
Regret. That word had cast long shadows over my heart. I had reasons for the choices I made, for the words I left unsaid. Yet, they seemed infinitesimally small in the face of what might have been.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Sometimes, I think if I had told him outright, if I’d been honest with him, we could have had more. Or we could have lost everything.”
Sims Chapel, TN
July 1949
I drew a hand across my forehead, wiping the sweat from my brow. “School starts in just a few weeks. Are you looking forward to it?”
“You know I’ve never been one for school,” said Jack as he checked his line.
“Well, I’m looking forward to it. I’ve been thinking about what I want to focus on while I’m in college, and I think I’ve decided on math.”
Jack adjusted his ball cap. “Math? But I thought you wanted to be a lawyer?”
“I did, once,” I replied, digging my toes into the cool dirt. “But I realized that numbers...mathematics, it feels like home. Plus, I don’t have to stand up in front of people and talk, which is a bonus. You know how nervous I get.”
“Yeah, I remember the school spelling bee in eighth grade. You were shaking like a leaf.”
I groaned at the memory. “Don’t remind me.”
“So math, huh?” he mused. “Yeah, that’s suits you well. You’re certainly smart enough, and you’ve always had a knack for numbers. Maybe you can put it to good use someday—be a teacher or something.”
“Maybe. So, what are you going to do when school is over? Do you ever think about going to college?”
Jack laughed. “I can barely stomach high school. No sir, once I graduate next spring, I’m going to work. I’ve got my sights set on a place like Clara’s one day. Which means I’ll need to start making some money right away.”
“Does that mean you won’t be around next summer?” The thought of him leaving filled me with a sudden dread.
He didn’t reply immediately, keeping his gaze on the dancing reflections of sunlight scattered by the water. “Naw, I reckon I’ll still be here, at least for one more summer. I already promised George I’d be around to help him. And a man should always keep his promises.”
“Right,” I said, the knot in my chest loosening. I took in my surroundings—the murky water, the emerald green mountains, the sound of the wind rustling through the tall cottonwood trees. “You know, I’m really going to miss this.”
“What?”
“This.” I gestured to the water, the trees. “Fishing, working on the dock with you and George … spending time with you. Far and away, this has been the best summer of my life.”
A smile worked its way onto Jack’s face. “Yeah, it has been pretty great, hasn’t it?”
“Since you’re planning on helping George next summer, do you think I could help too?”
Jack shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t see why not. George ain’t going nowhere, and neither is the work.”
“Good. I’m already looking forward to it.”
He looked at me then, his eyes filled with warmth. “You know, it won’t be the same without you here. For as long as I can remember, it’s always been me and you against the world. Now, you’re going off to college. Don’t know how I’ll manage without you.”
I blinked in surprise, not expecting his words.