“Just good?”
“It’s complicated,” I said, forcing a smile. Her eyes bored into me, seeming to search for the underlying issue.
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”
I sighed, the weight of Ellie’s return and my secret pressing against my chest, begging for release. “Ellie’s back,” I finally confessed, “to pay her final respects.”
My mother’s stoic expression faltered ever so slightly. “And?”
“And it feels like it did before, like I’m on the outside looking in.”
“But that was so long ago, Sara. And they’ve been broken up for years. Besides, you’re with Jack now, not her.”
“I know. But I can't help but feel like the past is repeating itself. The way they look at each other… It's like I don't exist.”
She reached across the table and took my hand, her fingers frail, but the grip firm. “Listen to me, Sara. The past is the past, and there’s nothing any of us can do about that. But don’t let fear and insecurity ruin what you have now. Besides, Jack is a good man, a loyal man, and he loves you.”
I wanted to believe her, but the seeds of doubt had already been sown.
“Have you talked to him about it?” she asked as she cleared the table.
I nodded briefly, getting up to help her. “But I didn’t press the issue.”
“And why not?”
“I don’t know. Fear, maybe. Or guilt.” I turned on the water and washed the plates before setting them on the rack to dry.
“Guilt? What do you have to feel guilty about, sweetheart?”
After wiping my hands on the towel, I took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts. “Do you remember the summer that Ellie first came to visit? The summer I turned nineteen?”
“Yes, I remember.”
I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. “I spent most of that summer tutoring Ellie when I should have been on the lake with Jack.”
“How could I forget? That’s when you thought you’d lost Jack forever. And I also remember telling you to give it time, that things would work out for the best. And look, I was right.”
“Something happened that summer that I never told you about, something that has stayed with me since.”
“What is it, dear?”
I cleared my throat, my hands trembling slightly. Finally, I opened my mouth and told her everything—about the ring, about Jack’s planned proposal, and about the phone call I’d made to Marie Spencer.
“You… You didwhat? Oh Sara…”
I gave a solemn nod, accepting the judgment I saw in her eyes. “That’s why Marie showed up early and took Ellie home.”
“And Jack?”
“He was devastated. He couldn't understand why Ellie left without a word. And I… I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth.”
Mother clucked her tongue sympathetically, absorbing the weight of my confession.
“As the summer ended,” I continued, “I prepared to return to college, all the while feeling like I was running from my guilt. Jack and I drifted apart after that… We stayed friendly, but it was never the same.”
“Oh, Sara.” She sighed deeply, putting a hand to her heart. “That is quite a heavy secret to bear.”
“I've carried it for years,” I said, my voice thick with regret. “I thought in time the guilt would fade, but it hasn’t.”