On the surface, a cheery text, but I know Pippa, and she was putting on a brave face. I have no doubt she senses something’s off with us. Maybe she’s admitted to herself that it’s been broken for a while now.
Like I have.
Obviously, I couldn’t tell her the truth about my epiphany – not even about working on my screenplay with Delaney, because I didn’t trust myself to pass it off as ‘no big deal’. But I also didn’t want to lie. I agonised over my reply, finally settling on something vague and bland:
Explored the island. Very nice views. Dinner was good.
She must have been holding her phone when I replied because she messaged right back:
I miss you Nick *heart emoji*
I stared at those four words forminutes, knowing the whole time she was waiting for me to say something reassuring. Eventually, I typed a reply – one that sent a tidal wave of guilt crashing over me:
Miss you too x
Re-reading it now doesn’t feel any better than it did last night – in fact, it’s worse. Pippa deserves every happiness, and I hate that I’m going to hurt her more than I already have.
I also hate the niggling satisfaction that she didn’t mention Nicholas. If Pippahadconnected with him in any way, or if she wanted to make me jealous, she would have brought him up.
Which makes you a raging hypocrite, James.
I am, but more concerning is what’s happening with Delaney.
We can’t have a repeat of last night – not while we’re committed to other people. And maybe she wants to work things out with Nicholas. I won’t know until I speak to her, but she practically ran out of here before I had the chance.
I spin my phone in my hands. It’s rubbish feeling like this –antsy. Maybe Dan’s up and if he isn’t, too bad – he will be soon.
I call him, half expecting to leave a message, but he answers straight away. And he’s panting.
‘Hello,’ he says breathily.
‘Please tell me you’re not— you know.’
‘Hah! As if – Becks is still asleep. I’m out for a run.’
‘Ah, torturing yourself.’
‘Hah!’ he scoffs again. ‘I’m keeping fit. Some of us have to work at it, you know.’
‘Mmm.’
‘What’s up?’ he asks.
‘Short answer or long?’
‘Take your time. I’ve got a couple of miles to go.’
‘I’m going to break things off with Pippa.’
‘What?’
‘I’m breaking things?—’
‘No, I heard you, but what the hell are you talking about? If you were here, you’d be married by now.’ His voice sounds stronger now, so I’m guessing he’s stopped running.
‘Yeah, I understand that but…’
‘Don’t you love her any more?’