Eldric had learned that the price of caring so deeply for someone else was to have their pain become his own. It had been almost unbearable for him to watch Alissa suffer every single day, powerless to ease the aching in her soul. Now, as they lay so close, he took in every little detail of her. The freckles on her cheekbones, the tiny mole on her earlobe, the small scar on her chin; it was all perfect. Without realizing how deeply he had let his mind wander into his feelings for her, he voiced his thoughts aloud.
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” he breathed, his thumb brushing her cheeks, then her lip so lightly that she wondered if it had been an illusion.
Alissa’s eyebrows shot up, her mouth agape at his admission, speechless. She had no idea when or how things had changed between them, nor did she realize that, in this exact moment, Eldric had decided to stop pretending. He was too tired of hiding the true nature of his feelings for her. Now, he was ready. Ready to fight for a life by her side, to give his life to protect hers and those she loved.
His fingers traced her arms with a reverence she had never known, each touch leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. But what truly made her breath hitch and her stomach flutter was the intensity of his scrutiny.
The way he looked at her was unlike anything she had ever experienced. He regarded her as if she were the most precious thing in the world, and that alone shattered any defenses she had built over the years against falling in love. With him, she felt at home even so far away from the only place she had ever known. And now she wondered how she had ever lived a life he was not a part of.
Alissa leaned closer, their faces so near that his warm breath brushed against her skin. He didn’t need to tell her how desperately he wanted to kiss her; his gaze spoke for him. Their lips collided with a longing they hadn’t realized until that moment. The kiss was passionate and deep, overflowing with every emotion—the good and the bad—that had shaped them into who they were. Their bodies pressed tightly against each other, as if any distance between them would be unbearable.
The last time Alissa kissed a man—the father of her daughter—it had been all about passion and recklessness. A relationship built on immaturity, bad decisions, and the rush of growing up too fast. She had thought she was in love back then, but only now, in truly falling in love, did she realize how different this was. She knew it because this kiss surpassed anything she had ever felt before.
The way he touched her, not only with desire but with devotion, stirred something deep within her. Her entire body responded to him like the tide to the moon, an irresistible pull that she couldn’t deny. Their lips fit together so perfectly that she could only believe he was right all along; they were always meant to find each other. As they explored each other’s mouths in a way she had only ever dreamed of and hands moved freely, she felt loved, desired, fulfilled. She never wanted to leave this moment, because in his arms, everything was possible, and nothing else mattered.
And then, like being struck by lightning, came the guilt. The guilt of feeling anything other than grief when her daughter was fighting death. The guilt that came with the thought that she was a terrible mother for allowing herself to feel good again, even if just for a moment. The guilt of motherhood, always creeping in, relentless, terrifying.
Alissa broke their kiss, their eyes locking once more as their breaths came rapid and unsteady. Her heart still thundered under her ribcage. He smiled shyly at her, and she felt as though she could crumble under the weight of it.
“I don’t think I’m ready for that.” Alissa sighed. “Not yet. I’m sorry,” she murmured apologetically, caressing his dark hair.
“You don’t need to apologize. I will never demand anything beyond what you’re willing to give me, Alissa.” He kissed her forehead and pulled back slightly to gauge her reaction, to see if she needed space, but she was smiling. “And if someday you decide you don’t want me near you, I will respect that too, even though it would kill me not to see your smile every single day.”
“I never said I didn’t want you near.”
She pulled him closer by the collar, her head lying once again on his chest, her legs entangled with his in a way that made some of her anguish dissolve. She stayed there until sleep came to take her to a dreamless night.
Alissa slept peacefully for the first time in a long while.
95 DAYS UNTIL DHALIA’S DEATH DATE.
“Wake up.” A gentle whisper caressed her ear, followed by a soft kiss on her left cheek.
She recognized the voice, and flashes of the previous night rushed back to her, the realization that Eldric was in her bed only then sinking in. One of her eyes fluttered open, just a sliver, and when her gaze landed on the bedroom window, seeing nothing but darkness outside, she groaned.
“Is this revenge?” Her sleepy tone triggered a smirk from the man.
“Revenge?”
“Yes, for the time I woke you up in the middle of the night.”
His laughter sent chills through her. “No. But I do need you to get up, no questions asked.”
“It’s still night, Eldric. Go back to sleep,” she murmured, curling further into her blanket.
“I want to show you something.”
Alissa opened her eyes then, narrowing in suspicion. “What could you possibly want to show me before sunrise?”
He slid his fingers through her tousled hair, noticing the light-brown roots of her natural color beginning to show. “Just trust me. Please.”
It was the sincerity in his plea that won him this battle.
“You’ll regret waking me up this early. I tend to get pretty grumpy when a rare good night’s sleep is interrupted.” She rubbed her eyes with the sides of her hands, slowly wiping away the remnants of sleep before standing.
“You would be surprised to find out I enjoy your company even when you turn into a growling, moody beast.”
Alissa grinned, and he wrapped his arms around her, unable to resist, fearing he could never keep his hands off her again.