And so, surrounded by this world of arts and crafts, Desi lived a good, comfortable life up to her teenage years. After all, the people of Heldraine used to be able to afford a wealthier lifestyle two decades ago, before King Luwrel increased the tax rate and the mandatory contribution from all citizens to the realm exponentially. Back then, people could afford to buy jewelry, silver instruments, and clothing. Now, people could only pray that after paying the taxes, they would have enough left to feed their children every day.
Unfortunately, after many years of financial struggle, her father became one of the countless people in Heldraine buried under monstrous, unrealistic debts to the Crown. The debt inherited from him after his passing four years ago plunged her family into a nightmarish arrangement that shaped her current life. To settle the debt and avoid imprisonment, she agreed to serve as a healer in Nyfrel, far from her family. This meant saying goodbye to everything she knew—her home, her family—to endure a dull, solitary existence in a place she disliked.
After all this time alone, she found herself laughing for the first time. Whether it was from Alissa and Eldric’s playful banter or Freyah’s spontaneous, nonsensical poetry, it dawned on her that she had nearly forgotten what true joy felt like. That realization came after she accepted Freyah and Alissa’s invitation for a "girl’s night," which turned out to be an excuse for them to change their hairstyles for no apparent reason.
Eldric had dropped off a bag full of colored powders he had bought at the market earlier that day. He was promised that these powders, when mixed with the right amount of chlorine, could change hair color to virtually any shade. The exact gram weight combination for each powder and the amount of chlorine needed to achieve various shades were meticulously noted on a dirty napkin. The poor man had to beg his friends to be reasonable and choose a discreet hair color. If he hadn’t, Alissaand Freyah would have easily opted for bolder colors, like pink or blue.
“How are the potion-making lessons going?” Alissa asked as she prepared the color mixture she had chosen for herself.
“It’s great! I already know how to make potions to help with coughing and heartburn,” Freyah answered with a smile.
Desi sat behind Freyah, brushing the red strands of her hair. “Freyah is a great student. Not only because she is dedicated but because she has something that most people don’t realize is key to being successful at this job.”
“And what is that?” Alissa’s pride in her friend welled up inside her chest.
“She’s resilient, but most importantly, she’s curious. Being a magical researcher is a science. Of course, there are common potions every healer knows, but a lot of our work is about trial and error. It’s about gathering what nature gives us, testing combinations, and failing time and again without giving up.” Desi sighed. “Imagine how many of our ailments remain incurable simply because we haven’t yet discovered the right combination to heal them.”
Desi pursed her lips. The passion she once felt for her job had been lost somewhere along the way. She didn’t know she would ever recover that part of herself.
She shook her head, sending the thoughts away. “My kids’ favorite part of watching me work used to be how the colors of the potions changed when combined.” A sad smile brushed Desi’s lips, her heart heavy with their absence.
Alissa was surprised by her admission. “I didn’t know you have children, Desi. How old are they?”
“My girl is eight, and my boy is ten,” she said, dipping her fingers in the black powder mixture to apply it to Freyah’s hair.
“You should bring them here sometime. I’d love to meet them.”
“They’re not here. They’re in the capital.” Desi cleared her throat, and Alissa realized being apart from her children hadn’t been optional for Desi either.
“How long has it been since you last saw them?” Freyah asked.
“Too long.” Desi unconsciously pulled Freyah’s hair harsher when the emotions became overwhelming.
“You know, I have a daughter too, Desi.”
Surprised, she turned to look at Alissa. Desi had never suspected Alissa was a mother, probably because she looked very young or could be somewhat immature at times.
It wasn’t easy for Alissa to confide in people the things she fought so hard to keep buried, but still, she felt comfortable sharing them at that moment.
“I miss my daughter every minute of every day. Not a second goes by that I don’t think about her. If she’s well and happy, if she hates me for leaving, if I did the right thing, even though I had no other choice.” A tear escaped her eyes. “There’s not a heartbeat that goes by that I don’t feel my chest weigh a thousand pounds. That’s the impact of her absence on my life. It weighs me down so badly that it gets hard to breathe, to move, even. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope I will see her again, alive and well. The hope I will make it back to her.”
Stunned by the words coming out of her own mouth so fluidly, Alissa glanced at her friend. Freyah’s proud smile and tearful eyes meant everything to her; her friend would always be her anchor.
After all this time identifying in Alissa so many aspects Desi lacked in herself, personality traits she envied or despised, and interests they never shared, it was odd to acknowledge that the one thing they did have in common was simply the key aspect of her being; to be a mother. Never before had someone else’s words felt as much as her own as right then. This pain theyboth shared stained their essences, and no physical pain would ever compare to it. Perhaps this was why, speaking mother to mother, they could see each other as equals.
For the first time since leaving her family, Desi felt comfortable sharing her story. She told them everything: the debt she had inherited from her father and how she was mandated to hold post in Nyfrel until the debt had been paid off.
“Why didn’t your family move here with you?” Freyah asked.
“It was part of their demands that my family remain in the capital while I’m gone.”
“Why would they do that?” Alissa frowned.
“Because if I had my family here with me, this wouldn’t feel like a punishment, would it?”
Alissa felt a pang of sympathy for the healer, forced to endure a life she despised, separated from those she loved because of a debt she shouldn’t have had to bear. Desi lived at the mercy of a kingdom that had trapped her in a torturous reality to keep her under its control. Alissa realized in more ways than one how their lives were similar.
Hadn’t she, too, been trapped within walls her entire life, unable to escape, convinced there was no other life worth fighting for?