No. No no no.
Then I’m moving.
Out of the car, jogging after her before I can think.
“Harper,wait!”
She doesn’t turn around. Doesn’t acknowledge me at all.
But I’m able to sprint in front of her just in time to pin her against the hood of the car.
My hands find her waist. Even pressure. Both sides. Balanced.
The hot engine beneath my palms. Her warm body between my hands.
“I’m sorry.”
Two words. Not enough.
“I was jealous.”
Three words. Prime number. Still not enough.
“I’ve never felt like this before for anyone, and it’s making me stupid and jealous and out of control when I’m always in control?—”
Control. The word tastes more and more like a lie.
Because I have no control around her. Never have.
Her eyes flash furiously, and I rush to keep talking before I lose her for good. “I’m so, so sorry. Because you’re right. No one but you has any say about what you do with your body.”
She’s breathing hard, her chest rising and falling in a way that I’m tryingreallyhard not to get distracted by.
“If you really believed that, you wouldn’t have me pinned to this fucking car.”
I lean in, forehead to forehead. “If you didn’t want me to pin you to this car,” I whisper heatedly, “you would have shoved me away already.”
Her hands immediately come to my chest, and I feel the pressure of her beginning to push.
I start backing away, but then her hands are fisting the front of my shirt, and she’s pulling me back in against her.
And then she’s kissing me.
“Stupid fucking boy,” she whispers before deepening the kiss. My arms wrap around her warm, soft body, and my mind goes blank of everything except her. The feel of her hips beneath my gripping fingers. The taste of her strawberry lip gloss. The way her tongue is so insistentagainst mine, licking in and out, mimicking the way my cock?—
Dammit, I’m about to lose control, and we’re on the side of the fucking road. I drag my lips away, pressing my forehead to hers when she makes a little whine of protest. Jesus, it kills me to stop when her lips are glistening, so close and warm and wet.
But I have to get this out. “I know we haven’t even talked about what this is. And we’ve barely even started.” I swallow hard and make a gesture in the small space between our chests. “But you’re all I want, Harper.” My hands curl in the hair that’s fallen around her face. “If you don’t want to be exclusive, I understand. You’re your own person. Your body is yours. But I want you to know—you’re it for me. I won’t be with anybody else but you.”
She’s shaking her head fast, and I can see tears glistening in her eyes. God, it kills me when her walls go down like this and I can see straight through to the real her. I press in tighter, caging her in so that we’re all each other can see, lost in the world of one another.
“You don’t know that,” she whispers. “You think that now. But then you’re going to go off to college and meet so many smarter, prettier girls?—”
“It’s not possible.” The conviction in my voice surprises even me.
But she just scoffs. “And they’ll be there, and I’ll be...” She waves a hand. “…wherever Z and I end up.”
I try to ignore the jealous fire in my belly. “Come with me then.” Why haven’t I thought of this earlier? I’ve been so focused on living in the moment, dreading herbirthday and her leaving for East Texas. But now a vista of possibility opens up before me.