“You got it,” I promise.
As I walk away, she calls out, “And I can make the most of senior year while also being pissed! I’m a great multitasker!”
I don’t doubt Emi’s multitasking abilities, and while I’m hurt and upset with Kalani, I’m also coming to terms with the fact that I’ve lost a ten-year relationship with my best friend. It feels stupid to pettily squabble with Kalani when what we’ve both lost hurts more than any words we can throw at each other now that everything’s said and done.
I dump the garbage in a bin beside a table where a couple is sitting huddled over a book they’re sharing, and the boy looks up and catches my eye. Arthur’s entire face lights up, and he excitedly points at the girl with the neat French braid beside him, silently mouthing,This is her! This is Monique!
Well, look at that. ItisMonique, and they look mighty cozy together. Seems like Arthur took his shot and it paid off for him.
I send him an encouraging thumbs-up, and he grins from ear to ear before Monique glances up and pulls his attention back to whatever they’re reading. I’m happy for him, and Isincerelyhope he listened to me about not introducing Barbara right away, although Monique is definitely the kind of girl who has a five-year plan. She’d probably hold up well under Barbara’s interrogation. The thought makes me laugh to myself as I walk through the hall to the art room.
It’s sad to see it so empty. Throughout the year, the walls, shelves, and glass display cabinets slowly filled up with every art class’s projects. It made the large room feel vibrant and warm and alive. With so much emotion and expression and color, the room never felt like a stuffy classroom and instead made me feel right at home beside the easels and stools. This was the one classroom where I never struggled with keeping up or felt like it was a chore to show up, and now, because of my college choice, I’ll never have that experience again. The thought is just as sad as the bare walls.
As I enter the storage room to grab a cardboard box, I freeze. Emmett’s here, box in hand, just as frozen as I am.
Because of my crush on him, I’m no stranger to experiencing awkward moments with Emmett, but none have ever been two-sided before, and none have been as tension-filled and uncomfortable as this one.
“Carina . . . hey . . .” he starts, shifting on his feet.
“Hey,” I repeat, doing nothing to help break the tension in the little storage room, so thick I can taste it.
“How are you . . . you know . . . doing?” Emmett asks, and it’s so weird thathefeels awkward aroundme. I was usually the one stuttering and getting stuck on my words because I was so in love with him. But looking at him now, with the curly chestnut hair that falls over his forehead and bright blue eyes and the slight boyish flush on his cheeks, all things I would’ve drooled over before, I feel . . . absolutely nothing. Not a single stomach flutter or heart palpitation or hitched breath. I might as well be looking at a wall for all the emotion that arises while looking at Emmett. Except maybe I feel some mild annoyance for everything his girlfriend has done.
There’s really nothing to be said to Emmett anymore. But at the same time, I have been going on a come-clean-to-everyone-about-how-you’re-feelingtour, and it has been making me feel better, so there’s no reason to stop now.
Instead of answering the question, I blurt out, “I had the world’s biggest crush on you.”
He blinks at me, stutters to come up with a reply, then anxiously looks around the small storage area like I’ve cornered him in here to jump his bones.
“Not anymore!” I amend quickly. “Ihadthe world’s biggest crush on you, ever since we ran into each other in grade nine. I used to hope and pray you’d ask me out.”
I spent four years holding on to that secret, and the last few months terrified it would come out, only for it to be spilled unceremoniously in a succinct three-second admission in a closet in the art room. Not that I ever planned on telling him at all, but that’s definitely not the way I ever envisioned it in my late-night fantasies before falling asleep. Butwowit feels good to get that off my chest.
Emmett’s eyes widen. “Really? You liked me?”
I have no idea how he didn’t know. I’d gaze lovingly at him any time he entered the room. I’d jump to take his side in any debates. I’d make any excuse I could to be around him, and, in my super young and desperate days, I even went so far as to let myself get hit in the face with a dodgeball in gym class so he’d run over to me and walk with me to the nurse’s office. I laugh at my past self. “I think it was obvious to everyone but you.”
“Wow,” Emmett says, shaking his head in disbelief like he’s trying to picture a world where I actually had a crush on him.
I know Kalani said he wanted to ask me out, but in the spirit of getting everything out in the open, I ask, “Why didn’t you like me back? What was wrong with me?”
“Absolutely nothing!” Emmett rushes out. “I did like you back. But you’reyou, and I was too intimidated to ever make a move. And then when I finally worked up the courage to ask you out, I approached Kalani first so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself in front of you. She told me you only thought of me as a friend, and if I asked you out, you’d feel awkward and uncomfortable around me, and that’s the last thing I wanted.” He pauses, considering his words before admitting, “Kalani told me that youreallywouldn’t say yes if I asked you out because you knew how she felt about me.”
My eyebrows draw together. “How Kalani felt about you?”
He nods. “Yeah. She told me that you knew she liked me, so you wouldn’t go out with your best friend’s crush.”
That little hypocriticalliar!She saidIwouldn’t go out with my best friend’s crush when that’s exactly what she did!
And I know what she said to Emmett is untrue because Kalani admitted yesterday that she only asked out Emmett out of spite, so that I couldn’t have him, and then real feelings formed afterward. She never had a crush on him when I did, even if that’s what she told him at the time.
I force my lips shut before I accidentally contradict what Emmett admitted. I don’t want to tell him the truth of Kalani’s actions because I don’t think it’s my place to meddle in their relationship, and no matter how they started, they’re genuinely in love now. Maybe Kalani will come clean to him one day, but I don’t want to start a she-said, she-said with what Kalani told me versus what she told him. I’m not trying to break them up; in fact, I don’t reallycareabout their relationship. I wish them nothing but the best.
When I don’t say anything, Emmett continues, “I was shocked, obviously, because I never knew Kalani liked me. She seemed to only ever tolerate my presence because of you. She asked me out, and she seemed somewhat taken aback at herself, like she couldn’t believe the words had actually passed her lips. She kind of blurted it out, taking both of us by surprise.”
Because she didn’t even like him! She never planned on asking him out!
“And it sounds really terrible when I say it out loud,” Emmett confesses, “but I thought it would be rude to turn her down, so I said yes. We went out, and we both saw a different side to each other than we knew through you, and we really hit it off. I mean, you guys are best friends, you know the tough Kalani she shows the world is different from the soft, vulnerable Kalani she feels like she has to hide to deal with everything going on.”