I keep my panic to a minimum when the car starts to move, but it skyrockets when we stop a few seconds later. He pulled into the fucking driveway. “No! Please don’t do this,” I beg.
He raps a little tune above me. “I’ll admit, I haven’t had a good chase like that in a long time. I feel invigorated.”
“You never would have caught me without Peanut’s help!” I bang my hands and kick my feet against the lid.
“Oh, come on now. You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“Please, Carver, I’ll get out of town. Just let me go.”
“You are out of town.”
“You know what I mean.”
“You’re home. Get over it.”
“Noooo,” I wail.
“Why are you so hell bent on getting out of here?”
“You all fucking sent me away!”
“Well, now we want you back.”
I cover my mouth, wanting to scream more obscenities but that won’t help. Breathing in slowly through my nose and out through my mouth, I try to calm myself as I think about what to say.
Eventually I decide the truth has gotten me this far, why not give it a try? “Carver, I can’t do this again. I can’tlosethem again. I’ll never survive it a second time.”
He’s quiet for a long while.
“I’m sorry,” he finally says.
“It’s okay. Just let me out and I’ll leave.”
“No. I’m sorry that I can’t let you out.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because Rage isn’t here, and if I let you outside of the trunk, you’ll run away. I’m not losing youagain!” he yells, banging his fist on the hood and walking away.
Peanut whines as if he’s letting me know he’s sitting vigil with me.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but I spend it between crying my eyes out and screaming at the top of my lungs.
My mind wanders to the man I beat tonight. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get it out of my mind. “He had to die,” I whisper.
The darkness slowly morphs into my demons, and it’s as if Psycho is in front of me with his hand on my neck.
“You bitch. You killed my brother,”his ghost whispers.
“He put my Mila in danger,” I whisper back, holding my own throat.
Instantly he evaporates, as if her very name broke the incantation.
“Mila,” I whisper again.
She was so cute today in her little pink cowboy boots. When I scooped her up in my arms, the first thing I noticed was how much weight she’s gained. The guys must be feeding her well. My stomach growls as if the mention of food summons it.
“What’s up?” Carver says from above me. He must be sitting on the trunk. I thought he’d gone, but he’s still here.