“You could have mentioned that sooner,” I say, releasing my bag.
Peanut snorts in victory. He hauls my suitcase right up the stairs. Rage steps aside and holds the door open for him.
When he disappears inside the house, I stomp my foot in frustration. “Rage, you know this is stupid. Just let me leave.”
“Where would you go?”
“I don’t know, but it’s not your problem.I’mnot your problem.”
We both tip our heads to the side, listening. Rage instantly sets his cup on the banister and rushes inside. His sister is crying.
I stand in the middle of the yard and throw my hands in the air. “What the fuck?” I yell to the heavens.
How am I supposed to get out of here? Between Rage and his dog, I’d have better luck busting through a concrete wall.
When the crying inside turns to screaming, I decide to go in and see what’s going on. I find Rage squatting down by his sister’s bed, trying to calm her. Mila has pressed herself into the farthest corner away from him. She looks terrified.
“Mila, it’s okay honey. Let’s go get something to eat. I have pancakes and eggs,” he says calmly.
Mila shakes her head furiously at him.
“I have cereal,” he tries again.
The poor thing is so tiny, and all of this crying is only draining what little energy she has. “Um, is there anything I can do to help?” I ask quietly.
The little girl instantly scoots to the end of the bed, holding her hands out to me.
Without hesitation, I step closer and scoop her up into my arms. She tucks her face into the crook of my neck. She’s having a hard time catching her breath as she tries to calm herself. I rub her back gently. “It’s okay, sweetie. You’re safe here,” I tell her over and over.
Rage and I stare at each other as her little sobs turn into hiccups.
When she quiets, I try to talk to her. “I don’t know about you, but my tummy is getting all rumbly. Should we go and see what we can find to eat?”
She doesn’t respond, but that’s okay.
Rage rises from his position on the floor and waves for me to exit in front of him. His hand brushes against the small of my back as he escorts us down the hall, encouraging us along.
When we get to the kitchen, I walk over to the glass doors. “Oh look, Mila. There’s a deer outside.”
She doesn’t lift her head, but she does turn her face so she can see him. “He’s having his breakfast too,” I tell her as we watch the critter nibble on the leaves of a low hanging branch.
Rage moves around the kitchen quietly. I can tell he’s being extra cautious with his movements to avoid startling her with any sudden noises. Her outburst this morning has him concerned, but I think it’s to be expected. He admitted himself Mila doesn’t know him. It’s going to take time.
When the deer wanders off, I move over to the table and sit down, keeping her hugged tight against me.
CPS never took me from my mom, but it doesn’t mean I was never left with strangers. I was. A lot. I remember how scared I used to be when it happened. Sometimes it was okay, and sometimes it wasn’t.
I want Mila to feel as safe as possible.
Bravely, she begins to check out our surroundings. Her gaze lingers on her big brother. His face is pulled into a scowl, but I think it’s just because he’s deep in thought. His looks are intimidating to me too, but I’m slowly learning he’s not as angry as he appears.
When he walks toward us with our plates, she turns her face against me, hiding from him. The way his lips curl down at the corners breaks my heart. I wish he wasn’t taking this so personally. She’s just really scared.
“Do you want to sit in your own chair?” I ask her.
She shakes her head, remaining on my lap, but she does accept bites of food when I offer them to her.
Rage sits on the opposite side of the table from us.