Was releasing him, after all this, the safest thing for him?
Guilt, and more wretchedness. Meilyr took the tea brought him. It was black, and fresh; the leaves bloomed in his mouth, steeping clarity. He was being selfish. Celyn deserved to be free, and Meilyr would just have to find a way to make him swear – really, truly swear – not to get into trouble.
‘Yes, thank you, Your Majesty.’
The prince settled on the divan. ‘It was part of our bargain.’
It had been, but thewhystill confused Meilyr. He studied the prince over the rim of his cup, gently blowing steam across the space between them. Again, the princefeltgenuine, though marred by something oddly like uncertainty, perhaps even guilt. That made little sense. It was easier to read him through their woven bond, rising like a band of living heat between them as Meilyr so much as brushed towards it, but the wine made things trickier.
As did Celyn’s warnings, repeating through his mind. Everything Meilyr had lost at the hands of Prince Osian’s family. Everything Prince Osian represented.
How would he know if the prince told the truth and let Celyn go home?
Earnestness pressed through the still-piqued bond as the prince said, ‘I trust the knights who I have given this duty. As soon as we are returned from the hunt, you can write to your brother. Perhaps visit him, with time. If there is anything he may need in your absence, please ask it of me.’
Not a hint of a lie or maliciousness, whatsoever.
Meilyr took a sip of hot tea. The fire popped in the hearth. ‘Thank you, Majesty. I will tell you if I think of anything.’
The prince nodded, turning the ring on his thumb with the fingers of the same hand. ‘There is one more thing we perhaps need to discuss.’ Through the bond, he was hesitant. Meilyr focused, and it slipped away. ‘The hunt will require rather close quarters. I believe it may be wise to discuss… boundaries.’
‘Boundaries,’ Meilyr repeated. The word tasted odd.
‘Yes. We will be under intense scrutiny, and there are those who would be pleased to find anything to hint at our marriage being illegitimate.’
True enough. Meilyr could list several people already.
The prince looked into his cup. ‘However, I would uphold our bargain. I do not wish for you to be… uncomfortable.’
Uncomfortable.Another interesting word. Meilyr would have let the prince bed him if he had wanted it, that first night or any since. It was some small, strange miracle that had not yet been required of him. ‘I understand,’ he said. ‘But the lie is necessary.’
A flicker – of unease? – before the prince cleared his throat. ‘I told you, I have no desire to push you.’
Meilyr had heard that before. ‘It is not pushing if we have agreed. If we are both… willing to go that far for the lie.’
It was hotter in the parlour now. Probably the tea. The wine.
Princess Aldreda had said Prince Osian had never really shown interest in anyone. Did that mean…?
‘Forgive me, Majesty, but perhaps if you tell me what is expected of me or what you would like from me, I can confirm if it… crosses a line.’
Not that it would be easy. Not that intimacy of any kind, especially physical, ever came easily to him. His weaving heightenedeverything, especially through touch. All of the other person’s feelings, the good and the bad. They muddied Meilyr’s own. Tangled him until he could not be sure where he began and ended, or whether what he was doing was out of his own desires, or simply obligation. His wish not to leave the other person wanting. His need not to feel their displeasure, or their frustration, and know he was the cause.
At least with the prince, that element would be easier. Their hearts were not in the mix. He could do as the prince wanted, and that would be all.
Memories of Haydn surfaced, and he pushed them away as best he could.
‘I have not—’ The prince stopped, pulling Meilyr back into the room. He swallowed, and tried again. ‘I have not had much experience with emotional relationships. The physical, a little, but…’
He was… Was heflustered?
Meilyr felt the heat in his own cheeks increase. ‘Ah. Well, no one would know, I think. From how you have been with me.’ He certainly would not have guessed. ‘I think, if we do what feels natural whilst pretending, and perhaps have a… signal.’
Was this conversation actually happening? With theprince?
‘That is a good idea.’ Prince Osian exhaled, relieved. ‘What did you have in mind?’
Meilyr had had nothing at all in mind, bouncing his nails on the rim of his teacup in nervousness. Oh, but could that work? Something physical, rather than words.