His head pounded, but there was more to do.
As the others sorted their clothes, he redressed Pedr’s wound with the aid of the supplies he and Osian had set aside, and laid out the rest of the plan in excruciating detail. The journey to Llwyn Diffaith, who they would meet. The ship that would carry those of them willing, in a handful of weeks. He had already conveyed the main beats to them all in case something happened – now, he needed to know they could survive without him. It was the single strand of bindweed holding him to the cliff, the only thing he could cling to.
He would see them all safe. Everything beyond that was a howling, endless blackness, which he could not look at.
‘So is Prince Osian meeting us there, or…?’
Faina’s question was innocent. All their eyes went to him.
‘No.’ Meilyr finished tying off Pedr’s bandages and stepped away from the knight. ‘No, he is staying behind to give us a chance.’
‘Or to send the crownsworn after us,’ Celyn said.
Everything hurt too much to even fathom a response. Thank the gods for Pedr. ‘His Majesty would never break his oath. He swore to protect Highness Cadogan and entrusted that oath to me. Do not dare imply—’
‘He is a prince ofKhaim– his oath is worth as much as—’
‘Celyn.’ Meilyr’s voice betrayed the hurt. The exhaustion. ‘Please, do not do this now.’
Celyn’s jaw worked. At last, he said, ‘Fine. Let me look at your hand in the other room.’
‘My hand is fine.’
‘Now.’
Meilyr followed. Better to get this over with, so he could crumble to dust.
‘We have to be quiet,’ he reminded Celyn. ‘There are only meant to be three of us occupying—’
‘Close the door.’
He did. There were two candles near the window. Other than that, it was dark.
Celyn turned on him, lit with rage. Pain burned in the pyre. ‘It wasn’t worth it.’ His voice was little more than a hiss. ‘It wasn’t worth you, Meilyr. Why would you do this? Why?’
‘Please, listen.’ Meilyr was deathly tired, hurt to numbness. ‘I cannot ask you to understand, but it was not like that.’
‘Likethat? How could it be any other way thanthat? He had you trapped, both our lives as collateral – anything he made you believe—’
‘Keep your voice down.’
‘You were his prisoner! I told you he would use any means necessary to get what he wanted, and you… Meilyr, it was not worth it.’
‘Celyn—’
‘I would rather have died! Rather have rotted than let him—’
‘Would youstop,’ Meilyr half begged, half spat. ‘You are going to wake the entire inn. I already told you it was not the way you think, at all. Osian would never—’
Celyn slammed his fist into the wall beside them. Meilyr barely flinched.
In the silence, Celyn breathed heavily. The next burst of motion marched him towards Meilyr, but he stopped short, more hurt in his voice than hatred. ‘You are a fool.’
Meilyr’s voice was utterly level. ‘So are you.’
Devastation worked its way through Celyn. Belatedly, Meilyr wondered how he had not seen it before.
Celyn blamed himself for everything that had happened. Everything Meilyr had suffered, perceived and real.