Haydn pulled back. ‘Do you want me to leave? What do you need?’
Meilyr shook his head. He did not know. He did not want Haydn to hate him, did not want to lose him.
Haydn hesitated, then drew him carefully into his arms. The embrace was so different from before, Meilyr went limp and trembled. ‘Meilyr, I am so sorry,’ Haydn told him. ‘I know you mean it. I’ll leave the instant you ask me to, all right? I can’t imagine how awful this has been. Thank you for telling me before I… made it even worse.’
Meilyr shook his head again. ‘I am sorry.’
‘You have nothing to apologise for.’
You have nothing to apologise for.
Osian.
Meilyr flinched, stepped back from Haydn unsteadily and rubbed his face. ‘I am sorry,’ he repeated. ‘But thank you, for stopping. I am sorry I gave you the wrong idea.’
‘This is definitely my fault.’ Haydn pulled together a watery smile. ‘It was only, seeing you felt like a second chance. I never really stopped thinking about you. About us.’
‘It was good to see you,’ Meilyr admitted quietly. ‘To have you here. I… I am sorry.’
The words were desperate stones used to seal himself up, when everything he felt threatened to burst through any gap, taking the entire structure with him.Sorry, he was alwayssorry.
‘None of this is your fault,’ Haydn said. ‘Nothing ever is. Yesterday was awful, that look in your eyes… I wish you didn’t have to be here, no matter what that means for us. I’d rather you were a thousand miles away. Seeing you withhim, knowing you have to…’ Fury glistened. He bit it back. ‘I wish I could help, Meilyr. No matter what we are, I wish I could get you out of here, away from him.’
‘You do not have to. I told you, Celyn—’
‘A selfish fool, as always. I’d gladly floor him too, but not before getting you both away from here.’
‘I know,’ Meilyr said. ‘But it is nowhere near that bad. Celyn is safe. I do not need you to do anything, other than keep yourself safe. Osian is – the prince, he is trying to help, and…’
Haydn did not miss the slip. ‘You… Meilyr, you care about him?’
‘I do not,’ Meilyr lied reflexively. ‘He is just…’
Not what he should have been. So much more than he should have been.
Haydn tilted his head. ‘Meilyr, everything he is, everything he is making you feel…’
Meilyr’s ragged nerves bristled. ‘He is notmaking mefeel anything.’
‘Tell me if he has hurt you,’ Haydn said. ‘That’s all I care about.’
‘No, I swear it. We…’
We have not been intimate, Meilyr nearly said. But heat blossomed.
The taste of Osian’s mouth. The warmth of his body. The breadth of his shoulders and his sea-swept eyes above Meilyr in the dark. Thefeelingof him.
Haydn’s gaze shifted to quizzical.
‘It is not what you think,’ Meilyr said. ‘None of it is. But he has not hurt me, not once.’
Realisation dawned across Haydn’s features: a stunned, sad ache. ‘Ah, well I suppose that makes sense. I believe you. Gods…’ He huffed a quiet, breathless laugh. ‘I’m glad you’re not in pain, but… try to be as honest with yourself as I wish you could have been with me? As honest as you were just now. And if you ever need me, in any way, you know where to find me.’ He let the last of his hurt out with an exhale and straightened. ‘If there is anything I can do for you, Highness, please don’t hesitate. I will always be here. There is no one else I would rather break my heart.’
That urge to reach for him, to stop his pain, rose again. Meilyr did not want to lose him. Would do anything—
No, not anything. Not anymore.
‘Thank you,’ he managed. ‘I really am sorry.’