“You wanted a career.”
“Because I couldn’t have him.”
“You still have your book.”
She thought about that for a minute, thought about why she’d written it, what she had hoped to get out of it.Then she shook her head.“I’m not finishing it.”
“Not finishing it at all?”
She shook her head again.
“Why?”
She shrugged.“Too close.Too hot.Too painful.”She took a shaky breath.“I thought I wanted revenge.But revenge hurts.Besides,” she tried for a smile and failed, “I don’t know how it will end.How’s that for a reason?”
“As good as any for now,” he said so kindly that she fought back a moan.In the next breath, she slipped an arm around his neck and gave him a tight hug.
“You’re my friend.Can I call you sometimes?”
“I’ll be mad if you don’t.”
Drawing back, she patted his lapel.“Mad is for dogs.But you’re a man.A good man.”She sent him a timid look.“Will you be angry if I stick with him?”
“Angry as hell.You deserve better than what he’ll give.”
“But I love him.”
“Which is something I’ll never understand.”
She paused, swallowed, shrugged.“Me neither.But that’s the way it is.”
He seemed about to say more, then thought better of it and simply said, “I want the world for you, Hillary.”
There were tears behind her smile.“Same here,” she whispered.After giving his lapel a final pat, she trotted down the steps and went off up the street.
Cutter watched her until he heard Pam’s voice.“Will she be all right?”
He turned, smiled, put a hand to her neck because he badly needed to touch her.“I don’t know.It’s such a crazy thing, what she feels for John.”
“It always has been.I’ve never understood it.He’s been so cruel to her, yet she keeps going back for more.”
“Some women do that.”
“But I want her happy.”
“Maybe she will be.”He swore softly.“All these years she’s been on his side, and the bastard never saw it.He has a gold mine in her.If he doesn’t see that now, he deserves to go right down the tubes.”
Pam slipped an arm under his jacket and around his waist.She was feeling strangely deflated.“I thought it would feel so good,” she said quietly.“I thought there would be this tremendous high, this fantastic sense of victory, this … glee.But there isn’t.”
Cutter knew just what she meant.“That’s the difference between us and him.He would have felt it.”
“What do you think he’ll do?”
“Resign.He’ll go elsewhere.He’ll do fine.”
She tipped her face up against his shoulder.“Does that bother you?”
He met her gaze.“No.He can do what he wants.I just want him out of my hair.Out of your hair.Away from this company.Once that’s done, he’s lost the power to hurt us.”