He came down the steps toward her.“One woman,Hillary, and only after you said you wouldn’t sleep with me.”
“And I meant it.Even I have to draw the line somewhere.”
“There’s no need anymore.The engagement is off.”
“That’s convenient.”She tucked her legs up under her skirt and wrapped her arms around her knees.It wasn’t the most sophisticated of poses, but she didn’t care.She felt vulnerable and very much in need of protection from John.“You break up with Janet just in time to get it off with me.Will you go back to her when we’re done?”
“That doesn’t even merit an answer.”
She laughed and shot a sad glance at the ceiling.“My God, you sound pious.”Abruptly looking as grim as she felt, she met his gaze.“You don’t understand, do you, John?You live by a different set of rules from the rest of us.You didn’t see anything wrong with cheating on Janet, and you didn’t understand when I refused to do it.”
“I offered her a hell of a lot in return.I thought she knew the score.”
“That’s not the point!The point is that people don’t like being used.It doesn’t matter what you give them in return.At some point the abuse isn’t worth it.”
“Abuse?”His expression hardened.“Hold on a minute.I never abused Janet.I never so much as raised a finger to her.”
“There are different kinds of abuse.”
“So let’s keep them straight.You say I used Janet.People use each other all the time.It’s a mutual thing in an engagement or a marriage.Physical abuse is something else entirely.I didn’t do a single thing in my relationshipwith Janet that could remotely be considered physically abusive.”
“My, you’re defensive,” Hillary observed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She realized then how much she’d learned in the three months since she’d seen him last.“It means that you have it in you.You have a mean streak.Mean streaks turn violent.Maybe Janet saw that.”
“I broke it off with Janet, not the other way around.”
“Maybe she let you think that.Women aren’t as dumb as you’d like to believe.”
He watched her cautiously for a minute.“Are you trying to tell me something, Hillary?”
“Me?I’m just sitting here telling you why I won’t have sex with you.I don’t trust your motives.”
“My motives are pure.I want you.”
Her insides began to hum.She ignored it.“You want me to stop writing my story.”
“That too,” he had the grace to admit.“But mostly I want you.”
“You want me, but you proposed to Janet.You want me, but you went to bed with someone else when Janet wouldn’t put out.Was your need so great?”
“For you?Yes.”He chewed on the inside of his mouth, looking younger, almost awkward.“Take a look, Hillary.You’re the only one I want this way.”
Her eyes dropped to his trousers.The smooth fabric did nothing to hide his arousal.The sight of it increased the humming inside her, making it harder to ignore.She pressed her thighs together and prayed for strength.She didn’t want to give in.
Dropping her forehead to her knees, she murmured, “That doesn’t change a thing.”
“Doesn’t it tell you something?”
“It tells me that you’re a horny bastard, but I’ve known that all along.”
“Horny, yes.Bastard?What have I ever done to you that’s so awful?”
She looked up in astonishment.“Aside from the whole business with Janet?You pick me up, then drop me, pick me up again, drop me again.You come to me when you feel the urge and leave as soon as it’s filled.We spend a long weekend making love, then days go by before you think to give me a call.You keep me separate from the rest of your life, as if I’m not good enough, as if I might spoil something for you.I satisfy one need, and one need alone.Youuseme, John.”
“If I use you, it’s because you allow it.”