Ethan groaned. “Not entirely untrue.”
“Seven,” Lukas said. “It’s mean, but notthatmean.”
“Now,” Sebastian continued, “onto Enzo—international man of mystery-slash-casanova”
He scrolled theatrically, then read:
“Enzo struts into every party like he’s auditioning for the role of ‘Most Likely to Steal Your Date and Your Drink.’”
“That’s not a roast,” Enzo said, unbothered. “That’s branding.”
“He delivers that line like he’s proud of it!” Ethan said. “Confidence is everything, folks.”
“Too smooth,” Lukas said. “Five out of ten. Needs more unhinged energy.”
Sebastian found it.
“Enzo looks like the reason someone’s dad lost all his money in a yacht-related Ponzi scheme and still thanked him for the experience.”
The room erupted.
“That’s slander,” Enzo said, laughing.
“Seven,” Lukas said. “Criminal elegance.”
“And now,” Ethan said, rubbing his hands together, “the moment we’ve all been waiting for—Sebastian, you smug bastard, you don’t escape this.”
Alexander took the phone back with ceremonial gravity, scrolled until he found the right one, and cleared his throat.
“Sebastian’s the type to start a revolution for the vibes and then ghost the group chat planning it.”
The room howled.
Sebastian clutched his chest. “Howdarethey.”
“That one hit on a spiritual level,” Enzo wheezed.
“Ten out of ten,” Lukas said. “The chaos. The complete lack of follow-through, classic.”
Alexander read the next one,
“Sebastian flirts like it’s a contact sport and apologizes like he’s reading cue cards.”
Sebastian blinked. “I don’t even apologize.”
“Exactly,” Alexander murmured, not looking up.
There was a beat of silence before Ethan leaned forward, eyes narrowing with mock suspicion. “Wait. Harper… is that you?”
Laughter broke out around the room.
“Honestly?” Enzo said, raising his glass. “If anyone has the material, it’s her.”
“She has a notes app,” Lukas added. “I guarantee it.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes but didn’t deny it.
“And finally,” Sebastian said, taking the phone back with relish,