Because I was afraid.
The thought came unbidden, sharp and clear, though she did not speak it aloud.
Jamie shifted her weight, her gaze dropping briefly to the ground. “Did I do something wrong?”
The words were quiet, but they struck deeper than anything else she had said.
Iona’s chest tightened at once.
“Nay,” she said firmly, reaching out to take Jamie’s hands in her own. “Ye did nothin’ wrong. Nae ever.”
Jamie looked up again, uncertainty still lingering in her eyes. “Then why did we have to pretend?”
Iona swallowed, her grip on the child’s hands tightening just slightly before she forced herself to ease it.
“Because I did nae trust the world around us,” she said. “And I thought that if I could make ye seem… different, then it would keep ye safe.”
Jamie considered that her small face serious in a way that made her seem older than she was.
“Was I nae safe?” she asked.
Iona hesitated.
For a moment, she nearly softened it. Nearly told her what would be easier to hear, but she had waited too long already. “There were times when I did nae feel certain,” she said carefully. “And I chose what I thought would protect ye best.”
Jamie’s fingers tightened in hers. “Even if I did nae like it?”
The question held no accusation. Only quiet curiosity.
Iona’s throat tightened.
“Aye,” she said. “Even then.”
Jamie was silent for a long moment.
A breeze passed between them, lifting a few loose strands of her hair, brushing them gently across her face. She did not move to push them away.
“So, do I still have to pretend?” she asked at last.
Iona shook her head. “Nay.”
Jamie searched her face again, as though measuring the truth of it. “Nae even a little?”
“Nay, lamb, nae even a little.”
Jamie’s shoulders eased, though only slightly at first, as though she did not quite believe it yet.
“And… he knows?” she asked.
Iona knew who she meant.
“Aye,” she said. “He knows.”
Jamie’s gaze flicked away, then back again. “And he didnae mind?”
“He didnae,” Iona said. “He asked what ye wished, and he listened.”
Jamie’s lips pressed together, as though she were holding something in. “He said I could choose,” she murmured.