“You’d better.And don’t count on Dorian for babysitting either.”
I frowned and looked at Mom.She fidgeted, uncomfortable about something.“What does that mean?”
“Well, they’ve both got jobs now.Which is good, right?”
“Yeah, it is.I would have liked a heads-up, but I’m pleased for them.”I did need to find someone to get Arne around, then.Would have been nice to get some notice, because they had to have known this was happening for a while.
“Dorian’s starting driving training.For work like I used to do.”
“But he’s too young to be a professional driver.”
“Friend of mine is going to take him on trips so he learns the ropes.He’ll be gone most of the summer.”
That meant no one would be around to help Mom.“I’ll arrange something for Arne.”
“You need to spend more time here too, helping your mother, with the kids busy.”
What the actual hell?I was rarely anywhere else—except for that one weekend with Justin.I swallowed, pushing the memories aside so that I didn’t show what I was feeling.“I’m here whenever I’m not working or doing something with Arne.”
“Is that the best thing for a kid?”
Something cold trickled down my spine.“What are you suggesting?”
“It would be good for a kid to have two parents.”As I opened my mouth to break in, he rushed on.“Living together.Married.That’s the best for him, wouldn’t you say?”
“I was married.Living here kind of killed that, so what are you thinking?I should give up Arne so I can spend more time helping Mom?”It was insane.
He shrugged.“Just thinking about Arne.”
“Are you listening to this, Mom?Bruce wants me to give up Arne to make his life easier.”
Mom glanced nervously at Bruce.“That’s not what he really thinks.And Arne is such a good little helper, he won’t be a problem.He can stay with me when you’re working.”
I blinked at my mom as her meaning sunk in.Someone had to sacrifice to take care of her—like I had.It wasn’t going to be Cora or Dorian.It was me.And next, Arne.
My whole body was frozen now, my hands shaking.I wanted to scream or hit something.Bruce was still talking, Mom picking at the arm of the chair she was in, but it was like they were outside of a bubble.Inside, I couldn’t hear or see, could only feel horror creeping through my veins.
No.No way.I’d given up my dreams and so much of my life, but I wasn’t doing that to Arne, who was sweet enough and kind enough to be convinced he should.I was his mother, and I would protect him, the way Mom never did me.
I had a line, and Bruce and Mom had just crossed it.The bubble popped, and I was able to speak, fury making my voice tremble.
“I’ve given more than anyone else in this house, and if it’s not enough, I’m done.Arne is not taking on the burdens I had as a kid.Not happening.”
I turned around and walked out.Bruce and Mom spoke, but I didn’t listen.I climbed the stairs to the room that had been mine for most of my life and started to pack.I didn’t know where we were going, but it wasn’t here.
Justin
It was strange being back in Toronto.It had been my home for years, but without Mia, being here didn’t feel right.Leaving without her, knowing what her life was like, was killing me.But I couldn’t make her choose me.I couldn’t make her see what her family was doing to her, and what it would do to Arne.If I wasn’t going to punch someone again, I had to focus on what I had control over.
At least in Toronto there were distractions and no place memories.Not that she wasn’t always on my mind, but I could focus on other things when I wasn’t hoping to see her around any corner.I missed her, like a fucking hole in my chest, but this wasn’t the end.She might think that, but I’d show her she was wrong.Somehow.
Cooper had gone all out for his camp/retreat, and he had a lot of things he wanted me to do when I wasn’t working out or tied up with the team.I’d scarcely seen him since I got back.I heard from him though, a flurry of messages asking me to follow up on some of the supplies, check on everyone’s travel arrangements, and print out maps to this place he’d arranged for our mini camp since people might not have data the whole way.He’d be better off not sharing that or he’d scare some of the guys off.
It helped to keep busy.The team wanted to assess me, my agent wanted to chat, and I met up with some of the guys who stayed in town for the summer.July first came and went, with no major trades happening with the Blaze, which should have been a relief but wasn’t as much as I’d expected.Fitch arrived, still part of the team, and I caught him up on what had happened in PoCo.I’d invited him to my place, since I didn’t want to discuss it in public.He listened to my brief recap while sipping on a beer.
He shook his head.“So you didn’t really exorcise that ghost.”
I shrugged.“No.Still, I figured things out.I know what I want.”