Please let this be a request to get a hockey jersey, not to play the sport.I didn’t have the time or money needed if Arne was going to get sucked into hockey.After Justin, I’d done my best to cut hockey out of my life.
“Do you think I’d be good at hockey, Mommy?”
Oh crap.What was I supposed to say?He didn’t want to hear that hockey was expensive and ate up time that I didn’t have.He didn’t understand concussions and brain damage that a violent sport incurred.He certainly didn’t want to hear that very few kids who played hockey ever made it to the professional leagues.
I needed a balance between “it’s good to try new things” and “no way in hell am I enrolling you in a dangerous and expensive hobby.”Chances were he’d tire of it eventually, but with my luck?He’d decide he loved it.
“I don’t know.Is Barney?”
That made him pause.“He hasn’t started yet.His brother plays.He got a prize from his team, but I don’t know if it was a prize for being good, or just for being on the team.Like the one I got in soccer.”
I didn’t ask if Barney’s brother had fun playing because he probably did.“I think hockey is over now.It’s almost summer vacation, and hockey is a winter sport.”
Arne pulled his T-shirt over his head.“I’ll ask Barney when he’s gonna play.But the grown-ups are still playing.Barney watches them on TV.”
Yep.NHL playoffs started soon, in the middle of April.I might try to pretend hockey didn’t exist, but there was a professional hockey team in Vancouver who currently qualified for those playoffs, so ignoring it altogether wasn’t possible.
We didn’t watch much TV here, except for my stepdad, so we missed hockey and commercials which was a win/win as far as I was concerned.If Barney’s family was going to be watching the playoffs, would my son suddenly ask to?I did not want to start watching hockey, but I couldn’t really explain why to a six-year-old.Time for distraction.
“You have soccer tonight.That should be fun, right?”Despite being a “gifted” kid and loving to read, he also loved to run and play with the other kids.A mix of my ex and me.The husband ex, not the hockey player ex.
“Yeah, but in hockey they get a stick to hit the ball with.”
“Puck,” I corrected without thinking.
“Yeah, the puck.I think I’d like a stick.”
No, no, NO!I glanced at my watch.“We gotta get going, buddy, or you’ll miss the bus.”We’d set up a rule not long after he started school.If he missed the bus, no dessert at dinner.
The reminder got Arne going, and I didn’t hear anything more about hockey.But the respite wouldn’t last.It was a popular sport, and Arne’s friends would be talking about it, especially as they got older.I was probably safe till fall, but I’d need to figure out how I was going to handle it when he asked to play.Maybe I could distract him with skating lessons first?
We got to the end of the driveway just before the bus arrived.I gave him a kiss and hug, which were still allowed, and waved him off.
Mom was in the kitchen with an empty coffee cup.I poured some coffee for her.The pan of eggs was empty, dirty plates were in the sink, and my siblings were gone, based on the silence in the house.I sighed as I started to run the water.
“Let me do that,” Mom said.
“It’s fine.It will just take me a few minutes and then I’ll get some sleep while it’s quiet.”But I’d put in earplugs, because once my stepfather woke up, there was no guarantee the silence would last.
“I don’t know what we’d do without you, Mia.”
I made myself smile.I didn’t know either.The hardest decisions of my life had been forced by the fact that my family needed me so much.
I was tired.Tired physically from a stretch of night shifts.Tired mentally from holding this family together.Heart tired that my half-siblings were as selfish and unhelpful as my stepfather, but I had no influence over them.Tired for my little boy that Erik, his father, was AWOL and probably wouldn’t ever come back.
I put the last dish in the rack.“Okay, Mom.I’m heading up.Are you good?”
“I’m fine, dear.I’m not helpless, you know.”
Not totally, but with her arthritis she was sometimes pretty damn close.I gave her a hug then went up to the room I shared with Arne.
After a quick shower, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and rubbed on some lotion.Back in our room, I put on sleeping shorts and a T-shirt and crawled into my twin bed.I put the earplugs in my ears, punched the pillow, and settled in.My body relaxed into the familiar mattress and I closed my eyes, ready for a few hours of needed rest.
But why was today hockey day?First Cora asking about Justin, and then Arne talking about it.I’d mostly had a hockey-free existence, except when I dated Justin, so why was it such a hot topic this morning?
What had Justin done?He’d always been quiet and almost shy, surprisingly so for a hockey player.I’d been the nerdy science girl, so Justin and I had never been right for each other.But for those three years…we’d tried to be.
Chapter3