I thought I had been.I’d discussed with my therapist that I should talk to her while I was back in PoCo, make my apologies.But somehow when she showed up I was anything but ready.I needed to get myself together.
“I’ll be here for a few weeks.”There had been reasons to come.Clearing things up with my parents was supposed to be the biggest issue—parents usually were, right?But the way my emotions were pinging around now, it was obvious I had to deal with what had happened with Mia.
I wasn’t ready.
“I’m gone in a couple of days,” Fitch added, more to fill in the silence than anything else.
Mia nodded.She clasped her hands together.“Depending on your plans, Justin—” Her voice caught over my name.“You’ve been gone more than ten years, but people in the neighborhood haven’t forgotten that we…”
I hadn’t been back precisely because of that.
“Anyway, it’s unlikely that we will run into each other.I’m busy with work, and you probably aren’t going to be grocery shopping.But if we do find ourselves at the same place, maybe it won’t be so awkward.”Her gaze settled on the fireplace, avoiding me.
“Unless I see you when I’m getting this off.”I lifted my hand with the cast and she shot a glance at it, then back to the fireplace.“Where are you practicing?”
She flinched.“Um, I’m not a doctor.I’m a private nurse.Kind of.More a PSW, personal support worker.For a private company.Um, so no, you won’t see me.”
The scrubs she was wearing had a logo on the top.Caring Hands Home Care.She was looking at the floor now.
“You didn’t get your medical degree?”That had been important to her.She’d known it would be difficult, with her family situation, but she’d planned for that.
Her lips tightened.“No.”
“What happened?”It wasn’t my business, not anymore, but it had to be something big to have stopped her.
Her hands clenched, then released.“It’s not a secret.Bruce got a DUI, so…”
Her stepfather was a long-distance trucker.A DUI meant he couldn’t drive.“What’s he doing for work?”
She shrugged.“Nothing.”
Now it was my fists trying to clench, again, pain reminding me I had to stop doing that while they were injured.Bruce doing nothing meant Mia was supporting her family.She’d given up her dreams to take care of them.Much like I had.
I shoved the memories of that last argument aside.It didn’t matter now who was right, if either of us had been.
Fitch looked between us but didn’t ask questions.“I’m going to go get…” His voice trailed off as he left the room.
Mia drew in a long breath and looked up at me.“I’m sorry about what happened with your marriage.You didn’t deserve that.”
I nodded.The pain of that time had long passed.And truthfully, it was the constant scrutiny of the media that caused the worst of it, the loss of privacy more than the loss of Sharleen.Not wanting to discuss it, I said, “I heard you got married too?”
Jess had mentioned it.I wasn’t sure who told her, but she’d wanted to warn me.It was almost the only information I’d heard about Mia in the last eleven years.I hadn’t let anyone talk about her around me.Avoidance for the win.
She looked away.“I was.Divorced now.”
“I’m sorry.”Even without the publicity shitstorm I had attached to mine, divorce wasn’t fun.
The corner of her mouth tilted up.“But I got my son, Arne.So it wasn’t a total loss.”
Another pang, but not from my hands.Mia, with a kid.Not mine.Sharleen and I had never discussed having a family.Just as well, considering all that happened.But I still wanted that.Someday.
“Good.”Was that the right thing to say?I had no idea.I uncrossed my arms then crossed them again, since I couldn’t think of anything else to do with them.
The silence stretched.What should I say?Ask if she was okay?If I could help?If she regretted what happened to us?My skin felt stretched, tight.Her presence was stirring up old feelings, things I’d kept locked down.Exactly why I’d come back, to deal with those.
She stood up.Looking near, but not directly at me, she said, “I should go.I just wanted to get the first meeting over with.”
“Yeah.”If I didn’t say something now, I’d have to talk to her again.Try to get closure, whatever the fuck that was for the two of us.But I wasn’t ready, and I had no idea what to say.