I was lucky, having a kid who was smart as well as athletic.He had a lot of options in his future.Unfortunately, I wasn’t going to be able to give him as many opportunities as someone like Tonya could.
The whistle blew for halftime, so I shoved those thoughts aside and braced for the impact of fifteen kids racing over for their water and healthy snacks.I helped Tonya and she helped me when it was my turn.Thanks to our kids getting along, she was a friend.A mom friend.The kind who swapped playdates and talked at soccer games, but not the kind who knew where you were from and what your problems were.
Once the kids were sated and back to the game, Tonya threw everything in her Yeti cooler and relaxed.The worst was over.
“Just going to throw this out there,” she said.“You’re independent and self-reliant and I don’t want to take away from that.But we’ve got hockey gear that Barney’s brother grew out of and Barney doesn’t fit into yet, so if you did put Arne in a camp, you’re welcome to borrow it.”
My jaw dropped.I wasn’t sure if it was the generous offer or the independent description, but I didn’t know how to respond.
She lifted a hand, reading who knew what on my face.“That’s all I’ll say.It would get some stinky boy stuff out of my place for a bit, but it’s your call.”Then she looked back on the field and yelled encouragement to the team.
I turned as well, mind still mulling over her offer.Before I could get into a worry spiral, Arne was playing again, and my job as a mom was to cheer him on.He made a pass to Barney that Barney scored on, so Tonya and I high-fived and cheered.Tonya didn’t say anything else, but I couldn’t forget what she’d said.
The boys’ team won, and they were in high spirits as they joined us after the handshakes were done.Arne had way too much energy for someone who’d been running around for most of an hour.I envied him that.The boys bid a sad farewell, though they’d see each other at school in the morning.
Arne skipped along beside me as we walked to the car.“I got a goal, and I got Barney a goal.”
“I saw that.You played really well.”
“Barney says hockey is better, and he’s gonna score lots of goals in hockey.”
How did I get him to move on from the hockey topic?“I guess we’ll see, won’t we?”
“Will I ever get to play hockey?”His voice was wistful, but it killed me.
I wanted to throw a temper tantrum, but instead I pulled on all my patience.“I’ll see if there are any openings in a camp this summer.”Arne’s eyes filled with stars.“But there probably aren’t.Maybe skating lessons this fall to start?”
His smile dropped but he nodded and didn’t complain.And my heart broke.Damn hockey.
Chapter5
Ghosts to Lay to Rest
Justin
The buzzer sounded, marking the end of the third period.Game four, first round, playoffs.The Blaze had just been swept, and here in our arena the crowd was shocked silent.
The postseason was over for us.I dropped my head and almost clocked myself with my cast while trying to scrub my face.
Nothing I could do to help with this season.The broken hand was a result of repressed anger, and I had to make sure I didn’t do anything that stupid again.I hadn’t just hurt myself, but the whole team.If I had been on the ice in the last game of the regular season, I’d have been playing with Cooper and he might not have hit the boards and broken his leg.I could take the blame for our top defense pairing being out of play, watching the game in the team’s box.But the flu that had decimated the forward lines wasn’t on me.
Still, for the second year in a row, the Blaze were eliminated, this time in April, not June.The last time was me as well?—
“JJ!”
I jerked.Cooper dropped into the seat beside me.He’d been talking to some of the management guys in the back of the team box and somehow hobbled over on his crutches without me noticing.
“Sorry.Up in my head.”Was that better than shoving everything down?According to my team-assigned therapist, almost anything was.
Cooper leaned his crutches on the seat beside him.“That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
“I’m working on it, I swear.”
He nodded but his gaze was on the ice.No one lingered.The winners were celebrating in the visitors’ locker room.Our teammates had escaped as soon as possible, and fans were exiting the building as quickly as they could.
“Next year is going to be different,” Coop said to the empty ice.He’d said that last year too, but a lot of things were out of his control.
“It will.I’ve promised Jess, and the team is up my ass.I have to report in regularly.I’m talking to a therapist they lined up.Next year I won’t do anything stupid.”