“But I can tell Arne, and everyone else?”
“And I tell Jess and my teammates.I see if I can get traded to either Vancouver or Seattle, but in any case, my contract ends in June next year and I might be able to convince one of those teams to sign me.Maybe one of the Alberta teams—Calgary isn’t that far.”
“You could end up playing with your sister’s boyfriend again.”
He huffed a breath.“Maybe.You and Arne live here, and I’ll come as often as I can.”
Living in this house—it would be amazing.But not seeing Justin for long stretches?“Maybe we can come see you in Toronto when Arne is off school?”
He bit his lip.“That leads to another option.”I went still.“If you have vacation time, you two could come to Toronto.”So, just for a visit?“And maybe, if Arne met some kids there and he liked them, and you could go to school, you’d consider moving to Toronto with me?”He’d leaned forward, eyes pleading.
Why was the suggestion throwing me?It was obvious—his job wasn’t portable, and he had money enough to support us.But leaving everything?
“It’s just a thought,” he said.“It’s asking a lot, for you to move.I’m being selfish, because I don’t want to be apart.But there’s another possibility too.”
I was still scrambling to process his second one.
“I retire.Immediately.I move back here, we live in this house together, and you can decide about school or work or whatever you want.”
I held up a hand.“I need a minute.”
He leaned back again, the restless tapping of his foot betraying his tension, but he gave me time.
Option one was minimal disruption, but it meant being apart.After being separated for eleven years, I didn’t want that.We had time to make up for.
It also left us close to my family.Could we find a way to function together again?It would be too easy to slip back into old habits, and I could not sacrifice my son.Or me.Not anymore.Not when I realized I hadn’t been earning a place in the family, just being used.
Option two meant uprooting Arne and me.Leaving his friends, his soccer league, and our family.There’d be no danger of being sucked up by my family again, but how would Arne handle it?And me?There were depressingly few things I’d be leaving behind.
Option three meant Justin giving up on his dream and disappointing the people who’d been supporting him.Easiest for me, costliest for him.
I looked at Justin, tension in the set of his jaw and in the lines around his eyes.“I hope you’re prepared for a full-on hockey-obsessed six-year-old, because if we meet the rest of your team…”
He froze.“What are you saying?”
“Option two.”
Justin shoved the chair back as he pushed to his feet and pulled me to him.He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight, making me feel safe.He was trembling, and it was humbling that I could do that to him.
“Do you want me to tell you why?”
“I don’t care, I just want to know you’re sure.You’re giving up a lot.Maybe we try it for the rest of the summer and see how it goes?”
That would be good, to ease us into a life together.And make sure Arne would be okay.But I knew my kid.He was good at making friends.We could try it for the summer, but the outcome was a given.I would sacrifice up some things, but I was getting back so much more.
I was getting everything.
Epilogue
Until the Day I Stopped Breathing
Mia
“Mommy!Daddy!“
Arne waved at us from the ice, almost falling over in his enthusiasm.We were in the stands at a local rink in Toronto, where he was skating with Justin and other Blaze players and their kids.
“Did you see me almost score?”