I didn’t know what it looked like holding another woman.
I wished I’d never had to know that.
“Don’t worry, Cap,” Finn said, an affectionate smile aimed at Gisella as she batted her lashes and leaned into his side. “We’ll be so professional, you’ll forget we’re dating.”
“Yeah, I barely even like him, anyway,” Gisella teased, wrinkling her nose in a way that somehow made her even more adorable than she already was.
I was going to be sick.
Acid burned my throat, my mouth watering in a most unpleasant way that reminded me of nights I’d drank well past my limit. I was all too aware of the camera duo positioned behind the couch opposite me, how their lens was directed squarely at where I sat.
Do not react.
Do not fucking react, Ember.
But my face felt frozen. I fired off all the signals to my brain to tell my stupid mouth to form a stupid smile, but nothing happened. I hoped my cheeks weren’t as red as the heat I felt burning in them, hoped my jaw didn’t look as unhinged as it felt, hoped the thick swallow I heard echoing in my ears wasn’t obvious enough for viewers to see when this show aired.
“I’m sure it won’t be a problem,” Captain said in a way of finality, still grinning and shaking his head as he looked to the clipboard in his hand. “Right. We’ve got our first charter tomorrow, and this boat needs a lot of work before then. Let’s get to it, shall we?”
“Let’s do this!” Eli declared, hopping off the couch with so much energy I flinched. I hoped I covered that reaction quickly with the smile I finally managed as I peeled myself off the couch and stood.
The hair on the back of my neck prickled with the distinct sensation of being watched, and when my gaze flicked to Finn, he was staring right at me again.
This time, his eyes were cautious, apologetic, the green-ish blue hue of them shadowed beneath his furrowed brows.
I’d had that man’s attention in so many ways before. I’d been the object of his lust, the subject of his longing, the root of his affectionate jest.
But this wasn’t any of that.
This was pity.
It soured my gut as much as it fanned the angry flame I hadn’t realized was cresting to an inferno inside my chest. How dare he pity me. How dare he think he has any power over me anymore.
How dare he still have the capacity to love again when he completely obliterated mine.
Somehow, I managed to tear my gaze from his, but the reminder he’d given me of how love is flimsy and fleeting stuck to me like tree sap. I ignored the way my nerves were short-circuiting as I pinned my team with a smile, clapping my hands together and running over the list of items we still needed to accomplish before we called it a day. My voice sounded far away and foreign as I assigned Bernard to prepare the cabins while Leah was sent down to laundry. But this was how I’d survive. This was how I’d push past my discomfort and focus on the whole reason I was here.
I would continue inventory check and get started on the deep cleaning that needed to happen from bow to stern.
I would work — because that’s what I was here to do.
I would work and I wouldn’t think about Finn or Gisella or —no.
Another icy-cold realization slid down my spine.
Gisella was my fuckingroommate.
I closed my eyes on a silent groan, knowing the producers were likely having a heyday with the fact that I’d unknowingly paired myself with my ex’s new girlfriend.
This was the drama they craved, the drama theycreated.
Well, I wasn’t going to feed into it.
I tilted my chin higher as the teams dispersed, even managing a smile and lighthearted joke as I passed Gisella on her way out to the sundeck.
“Ready for this, roomie?”
“Soready! I’m excited to get on deck. I need sun,” she said, closing her eyes and extending her arms out like she was sunbathing. “What about you,chief stew?” She waggled her brows. “Ready to run this floating hotel like a boss bitch?”