“There’s a look people have, when they’re hoping not to be spotted. I’ve seen it a lot.”
“I guess you would, with the people who pass through here.”
“That, and I’ve been there myself.”
That catches me off guard, and I look up at her. “You, really? I thought you’d been here all your life.”
She shakes her head, a little smile playing around her mouth. “I came through Silver Falls years ago, just like you. I had nothing to my name but a bag and a busted past I didn’t want to talk about. And then I just… stayed. I kept telling myself it was temporary, just until I got back on my feet. But then when I did, there was nowhere I wanted to run to, and Silver Falls did what it does best.”
“What did it do?”
“It made space for me. The people were kind and if they could see I was running from something, they didn’t mind. I made myself useful, and eventually it started to feel like home.”
Hearing that explains a lot about why Dolly was so kind to me that first day. She probably saw a lot of herself in me, andwas paying forward all the kindness she experienced. Something about her story sticks, but she doesn’t press me about it.
Eventually, Cora’s hunger outweighs her love of animals, and she comes back with the men and plops down near me on the blanket. Food is passed around, and everyone takes their fill, stuffing themselves with sandwiches and fresh fruit and snacks.
Dolly’s apple pie is dished up for dessert, and by the time the sun starts to sink in the sky, everyone is full and happy.
It’s a team effort to begin packing everything away, folding up blankets and gathering plates and trash. I hand off a stack of plates to Robert, when I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.
I stiffen when I see the name—Julius, again.
This time I reject the call without answering it, breathing slowly through the familiar wave of unease. It passes faster this time, and I’m so grateful for that.
When I look up, I can see Cora, grinning and laughing her quiet laugh in Cash’s arms. Everett smiles lightly as he talks with Lincoln’s parents, and Lincoln and Lainey bicker in their way, standing close together.
Julius and my old pack will always represent a gross, toxic time in my life, but that’s in the past, where it’s going to stay.
This is my life now, and Julius has no part in it.
Chapter 36
Harper
Something settles in me after having that talk with Dolly and rejecting Julius’ call, and the next few days pass more easily than I expected. I feel calmer and less on edge. Less like I need to be constantly braced and on guard for something bad to happen and more like I can just breathe.
I feel like a new person, but also more like myself than I maybe ever have before.
The routine I’m developing with the men feels more natural too, and I finally stop feeling like I have to justify it to myself every five seconds. Everything just feels good and right, and I’m going with it as best I can.
Cora’s off spending time with Lainey one afternoon, and the house is quiet for once. Lincoln comes to me and asks for my help moving some furniture around, and I grin, curling my arm to show off the little bicep there, telling him I’m his girl for the job.
He laughs and guides me to his room, showing me how he wants to rearrange the shelving unit so a path needs to be cleared.
“Let’s do it,” I tell him.
We kick off our shoes and roll up our sleeves, pushing the bed and desk out of the way enough to give us some space.
“You know these two shelves are identical, right?” I ask him when we’ve paused to catch our breaths. He just wants to swap the two units around so one of them is closer to the bed than the other. “Why does it matter which one is closer?”
“They’re not identical.” He points to one of them. “This one has three drawers. This one technically has four, but the top drawer is split in half, so it’s two regular sized drawers and two tiny ones. I want the tiny ones closer to the bed.”
“Okay, but why?”
He tips his head to the side and then shrugs. “It just looks better to me. It’s been bugging me for a while.”
I laugh a little, not meanly, just amused at this esoteric way of thinking about home decor. He’s the same downstairs in the kitchen too. Certain utensils have to be in certain places and the towels near the sink have to be hung a certain way. The bowl of fruit on the table has to be stacked so the apples are on the sides because it looks better.