“You mean besides the fact that when I woke up this morning, I was trying to figure out how it would work between the two of us?”
She winced, catching on to my meaning. “I take it you two haven’t exactly discussed what this is.”
“Not at all. It’s sex. He knows that. I know that, but my brain?—”
“Is a fickle bitch,” she nodded. “You’re overthinking it like every other woman on the planet. Been there, done that.”
“What am I supposed to do? I mean, logically, there’s no way this will work, but my vagina doesn’t understand that. She likes his dick, and she wants to figure out how to get more and keep it.”
“Then you should definitely listen to her.”
“Except there’s no way to make that happen. He lives in Pennsylvania, and my vagina is planted in Montana. She can’t get what she needs!”
“You could always do meet-ups.”
“And that would only lead to longing and desperate phone calls. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen to others. I don’t want to be that woman.”
She thought about it for a minute, but I already knew nothing she said would make any difference. “Maybe it’s just meant to be for a little while. Maybe he’s your transition man, and you’ll find someone else you can actually settle down with.”
“Yeah,” I said, thinking it over. “I mean, the sex will never be as good. I can already tell that. He’s way too skilled to just be the average man. So, I’ll find someone else, and it won’t be the same, but it’ll be enough. And I’m only in my twenties, so I’ll spend the better part of my youth with someone who’s just okay. Technically, I only have a few years until I hit thirty, so by then, I’ll be used to average sex. My brain will adjust to the fact that this was only meant to be for a short time.”
“And you’re okay with that? With having average sex forever?”
“I mean…lots of people do it, right?” I winced. “You find someone you think can fill that gap in you, and you run with it. And by the time you realize it’ll never truly be enough, you’re committed. And divorce is just frowned upon in my family, so I’ll go on with this man, who is a great companion. We’ll live in general happiness until we both grow old and die.”
“But at least you’ll have the memories of that one really great time in your life when you had good dick,” she said sarcastically. “Seriously, do you believe anything you’re saying?”
I sighed, slumping on the counter. “Not really, but what choice do I have? It’s not like it’ll ever be anything more than it is now.”
“Then make it more!” she practically shouted at me.
“I can’t just make it more. Things don’t work like that.”
“Not if you wallow in self-pity! Seriously, if you want something to happen, you have to work for it.”
I glared at her. “How? Tell me how this would ever work, and when you figure that out, I’ll go for it. I’ll be all in.”
Her mouth opened, but then closed as she frowned.
“See? There is no way. It wasn’t meant to be, and I know that. I just have to chalk it up to one really great experience, and leave it in the past.”
“But—”
I stood and walked away, saying over my shoulder, “There is no but. There’s only reality, and mine says this wasn’t meant to be.”
I decidedthat if I was only going to have amazing sex for this short time in my life, I might as well soak it all up now. After all, when this adventure ended, I would go back to my life, and he would go back to his. Things would return to their normal, mundane self, and I would go back to occasionally finding a man worth sleeping with.
And it wouldn’t be good.
So, I slipped into the bedroom and started stripping. The moment he stepped out of the bathroom and saw me shucking my panties, he stopped in his tracks and his eyes tracked every inch of my body. I swore I could feel the way his eyes burned into me, and that wasn’t even a real thing.
But it worked.
He was hauling me against his body two seconds later, and his tongue was permanently planted down my throat as his hands roamed over every inch of my flesh.
It was perfect.
Almost.