“I’m sorry to get you into all of this. It’s not your problem. You must think you stumbled onto the set of a soap opera,” I muttered, then bit my lip when Lucy stepped forward and embraced me hard.
Her hug was unexpected but so, so welcome.
She held me tightly. Her hand soothed circles on my back. I would have cried then, if there had been even an inch of warmth left in my chest. But I couldn’t. Everything was cold. And I felt finished.
“I’ll leave here, you’re right, it’s too damn cold.” I drew back from Lucy’s arms.
Her relief was palpable. She nodded quickly.
“It’s a shock. Give it time to sink in. All of this has been so hard, and terrible, and it will take time to process,” she babbled.
We walked toward the exit of the church grounds. My feet crunched over hard ice and sank into unplowed snow. At the gates, I turned and glanced back at the path toward my mother’s grave. I didn’t want to leave. I wished I could just go back there, curl up, and lie on her grave, and finally fucking rest, with the one person who had been my family. Yes, she might have believed others over me in the end, but she was still the only person I’d ever had.
I nodded at Lucy, but I knew in my heart that I couldn’t recover from this. Ice had formed around my heart, jagged and spiky. I could barely breathe it hurt so much.
Somehow, pathetically, it was Massimo’s betrayal that hurt the most. I’d thought I was someone real to him, not just another puppet dancing on invisible strings. I’d been wrong.
“Is there anything else you need?” Lucy asked as Nina drove us back into the city.
“Do you have any money?” I asked bluntly. I didn’t have a penny to my name. I’d have to ask Massimo for it. I’d rather die.
She reached for her wallet. I was past feeling embarrassed or ashamed of my situation. I was homeless, penniless, an orphan... the list went on. There was no room for pride in situations like mine.
“Thanks. I’ll pay you back one day,” I promised her.
She shook her head. “Please don’t. I just want to help.”
She looked so beautiful, sitting there worrying about me. I touched her hand.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Seriously. I don’t know what happened with you in the past, but you saved me. Thank you.”
She shook her head slowly. “Why does everything you’re saying sound like a goodbye? What do you need the money for?”
I squeezed her hand and turned away to stare out the window.
“I can’t stay in this city anymore. I-I don’t understand why they won’t leave me alone, but I’m not safe.”
“Massimo would keep you safe,” Lucy offered quietly.
A smile that tasted bittersweet touched my lips. “Safe, and controlled, and imprisoned. Different cage, same life. I just want to be free,” I said.
“But you care about him.”
I nodded. “Yes, and that’s what hurts the most. I just want to make my own choices for once. It shouldn’t be a luxury, but it’s become one to me.”
Lucy sighed slowly. “I get it. More than you realize. If you want to leave the city, come with me. Nina and I are going back to Florence this afternoon on the train. Come with us.”
“I couldn’t impose. You’ve already helped me so much.”
“I have a far-too-big apartment, and the city is beautiful, and it’s far away from here. And as for helping selflessly... honestly, it’s been nice... having a friend.” Lucy jerked her head toward Nina, sitting in front of us. “Most people are scared off by Nina, and me... sometimes.”
“You?” I laughed. “What could be scary about you?”
“I can be more impulsive than I look. Apparently, according to my sister’s husband, I can be a handful.”
She appeared so innocent while saying it, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I can’t imagine it, honestly.”