By the timeI left Filippa’s hospital, it was late afternoon. The snow had stopped again, but there were only a few souls braving the white streets. It was freezing. I’d borrowed blankets from the hospital to wrap around Katarina, but she couldn’t stay outside for long. She needed a warm bed, hot food, and a fire burning in the hearth.
But first, I needed something. Something simple. Archaic. Something selfish.
But then, I didn’t know any other way to be.
Our destination glowed orange on the white wall of buildings, all caked with snow. The lights burned through the small windows of the church, inviting passersby who were cold to come inside.
Inside, I quickly made my way down the aisle, the heavy scent of incense filling my senses. It was quiet within, with only a few people drifting around the hallways. I knocked on the closed door of the chapel before a familiar voice rang out.
“Come.”
I pushed the door open and turned sideways to carry Katarina in without banging her head. The tiny chapel was dimly lit. Vittorio, dressed in very plain robes, straightened from his prayer position as I entered.
He was only slightly older than me, but there was a calm peace about him that I’d never achieve.
“Massi?” he said, looking over me and my armful of woman. “Please tell me she isn’t unconscious.”
“She’s had a long day. They drugged her. Be mad at them, not me, Father.”
I carried her down the short aisle to the altar.
Vittorio watched me with a pained expression.
“You left that out when you asked me to marry you both.” He shook his head. “I cannot marry her while she’s unconscious. She needs to wake up to agree.”
“She agrees, she told me to tell you before she passed out.” I sighed and tossed Vittorio a tired grin before my attempt at humor faded away. “Honestly, she’s drugged, she won’t agree to anything until it wears off. She won’t know me... but we can’t waste time. She needs to marry me so I can keep her safe.”
“And you need to marry her why?” Vittorio asked.
“To keep her. I need to marry her just to keep her. Vittorio, she’s mine, and I’m hers. I knew it the moment I met her. End of story. Don’t make me hold a gun to your head.”
Vittorio blinked at me, surprised by my vehemence. Yes, I was well aware of how much of a hypocrite I was, having just shot two men an hour ago for attempting to do what I was about to, marry my little stray without her consent... but I’d already condemned my soul to burn... what was one more sin?
He studied Katarina’s sleeping face, and his gaze drifted down to my dog tags around her neck, tangled in her hair and only just visible.
“Very well, I’ll do it, but if you’re lying, you take the sin on your own soul, not mine.”
“Deal. Let’s get started.”
I shifted Katarina in my arms, cradling her close. Vittorio went to stand behind the altar.
He started to speak in a low rush of Latin, crossing himself vigorously and gesturing toward me. Like I could be cleansed of the sins of my life. I’d long ago given up any idea of being saved. I didn’t need salvation, or want it. I gazed down at Katarina.
I just needed her.
“What’s happening?” Katarina murmured, her eyes blinking open groggily.
Vittorio glanced at me, but I nodded at him to continue.
She was waking up but not all the way. She hovered somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, the drugs tugging her downward.
I tightened my arms around her. “You’re dreaming. This is all a dream.”
Her eyes fixed on mine for only a moment before they slid shut again.
“Keep going, Vittorio. I can still shoot you in the head,” I warned my friend.
He huffed but continued.