When I first left, I wanted him to follow me and chase me down. But now, after all these weeks, I don’t want to be found. I just want to go on with my life and forget about him if I can.
My stomach rolls, and I press a hand to it as I look between the dirt bike and the Gator. I go with the Gator.
Ty leads the way on his horse, Blu, while pulling Raine along behind him.
We head further onto the property toward a lake. I now understand Ty’s plan. It’s a brilliant idea. He’s going to have Raine get into the water and me climb onto her back. If either of us gets nervous, the water will protect me if I fall, and she can swim away from me.
It’s warm today for mid-May. Ty said a storm is coming in later this evening, so now’s the perfect time for his experiment.
Standing at the edge of the lake, I wait until Ty has Raine calm and the water is over her belly. When he signals me, I wade out in my jeans and tank top. If I’d known this was his plan, I would have changed, but I’m not afraid to get wet.
I can still touch the bottom, but I pull up my legs and swim the rest of the way to them. When I reach Raine’s side, I rub along her as I slip my foot into the stirrup. My bare foot brushes the cool metal, and I hike myself up, throwing my leg over her back.
I’m so focused on making sure Raine is comfortable and not freaking out, that I don’t realize I’ve settled into the saddle until she starts moving through the water. It’s as if a gate unfurls in me, and I’m instantly flooded with emotion. I lean over the saddle and lie along Raine’s neck.
“I missed you so much, my old friend.”
She neighs, and I feel her body bounce, as if she’s prancing. With the reins in my hand, I guide her out of the water, and we start climbing the shore.
“It’s now or never, girl,” I tell her.
She starts moving in the direction of the stables. As she picks up speed, the wind whips through my hair, loose under my hat. My body is slightly chilled from the water and the wind, but I finally feel free. A peace settles over me for the first time in a year and a half. I’m back where I’m supposed to be.
We don’t go too fast or push too hard. I won’t let Raine hurt herself. We just gallop along. Wrapping the reins around the pommel of the saddle, I throw my arms wide and feel myself flying. It’s the feeling I used to love when we weren’t always practicing.
By the time we get back to the yard, I feel content and whole. I know my life is changing, and I’m okay with it. But the moment I slide off the saddle and my feet hit the ground, the world spins. Weakness hits me, and I crumble to the dirt.
Somebody is yelling my name as I lose consciousness.
Beeping soundsand overhead calls pull me back to the world. The sharp scent of hospital antiseptic invades my nostrils. I roll to the side, and a bowl is instantly pressed against me. I throw up nothing but bile and acid.
“What happened?” Butcher asks softly.
I try to focus on him, but the world is spinning out of control. I close my eyes and groan as I flop back onto the pillow.
“My head is killing me,” I say, my voice barely audible.
“It should be. You haven’t eaten all day. Are you trying to kill yourself?” Butcher’s voice is tinged with anger and hurt.
“No. I didn’t feel good this morning. I haven’t felt good for a couple of days. I think it’s just lack of sleep.”
“It’s not,” a doctor says as he steps into the room. “I have some of your test results. I can wait until your friends leave to discuss them.”
Butcher and Ty get up from their seats.
“They can stay. They’re my family.” Which is true for Ty, and Butcher is becoming that way.
The doctor looks down at his tablet, then back at me. “Is one of these guys your boyfriend?”
“No,” Butcher says, and the doc looks at Ty.
“Not me either,” Ty adds.
My stomach curdles. “Okay. Guys, step out.” I fear I know what he’s about to say.
Not once did we use protection, and I know pills aren’t a hundred percent. I start to feel the panic rising, and my breathing gets out of control.
The doctor moves closer, and so does Ty.