I feel movement out of the corner of my eye. When I look over, Axel scares the crap out of me, pressing his face against the car window. I roll it down and he sticks his head in the car.
“You coming in? You got a Gran Prix to lose,” he says.
“Yeah, you wish. I’ll be there in a sec. I’m talking to Saylor.”
“Oh, bingo business?”
“Uh, yeah. Don’t touch my controller.”
“Imma lick it! Byeeeee!” Axel spins around and skips up Jake’s front steps. I look back at my phone just as a new text from Saylor pops up.
I just feel bad.
I didn’t want you to get roped into the negativity.
Okay, nowIfeel bad. Are the comments on her mom’s video a lot? Yeah, but I’m not worried or thinking about them. I’m working up a low-grade panic attack over how to respond to these direct messages.
Say, I’m fine.
I promise. Are you okay?
Define okay?
I glance over at Jake’s house and think about driving over to the Fords’ instead. Jake and Axel would understand. Or they would if they knew what was going on between me and Saylor, if they knew how much I cared about her, but they don’t and they can’t.
Do you want me to come over?
No, I’m okay.
Some matching ad merch showed up.
And she wants to make more content tonight.
I blink and feel so silly for not realizing this sooner, but this is really Saylor’s life. That madness I experienced for one day and am happy to never experience again. She explained it to me, but I was so confused by her showing up at my house at the time, I didn’t fully get it. Saylor has to deal with her mom, and her mom’s followers, every day. Even if she doesn’t look at the comments section or the number of likes, she knows what’s going on. I cannot imagine how crappy that feels.
Can I help?
Just let me vent in person.
The next time I see you.
I’ll need it.
You can always vent to me.
I almost type something close to “I love you” again, but I don’t. I wish I could run over to her house and just hug her and tell her it’ll be okay. But I don’t think it’ll be okay until she goes to college, and even then, I can still picture Mrs.Ford showing up at her dorm room with lights and her phone mounted to her shoulders, still asking Saylor to show off her outfit of the day.
I set my phone down and take a deep breath. Too much is happening. Saylor is freaking out, even if she’s saying she’s not. I’m freaking out about Saylor and those DMs, and I have maybe two more minutes before Jake comes outside to ask me what’s taking so long. And I have to beat Axel in the Clubman Cup 550. I text Saylor back.
I’m at Jake’s but let me know if you change your mind.
I’ll come over.
K.
I sigh again, feeling more confused and less helpful. Finally, I grab my stuff and head inside. Jake meets me in the front room just as I’m stepping out of my sneakers.
“Hey, you cool?”