Eighteen
October
Liz
We agreed,no cell phones. It’s Claudia’s weekend, after all. I didn’t think it would be an issue. Shep offered to make her bachelorette weekend extra special by upgrading the spa package and location. I didn’t think I’d be getting much in the way of cell service in the mountains of Utah, but what kind of seventeen star resort that’s carved into the side of a cliff face would this place be if there was no cell service? The girls are waiting for me. We have a group massage scheduled. Then sauna time, a scheduled nap and a leisurely dinner on the patio of Claudia’ssuite.
Like a fool, though, I don’t leave my phone on silent. I don’t ignore it when I hear the voicemail alert go off as I’m leaving my room. Foolishly, I don’t wait to listen to the voicemail from D.A. Rivers. I see the transcript load on my cell screen and still I’m too stupid to tell myself to just wait. I’m on vacation with my girls, two thousand miles and weeks away from the attempted murder, the discovery that one of my former clients had been recording all of our sessions and kept the footage, and all other manner of injustices that go completely ignored when the victims look likeme.
I’ve been with Smith, Weller, Lee and Connolly for three weeks now. The work is the same, but the new partners I work under are worse than Murrell, all four of them. They told me to be reachable this weekend even though I never suggested for a second that I wouldn’t be. When I hear my phone ding, I think it’s work. I think it could be a client. Less and less every day, I hope it’s Silas. I check my voicemail and five minutes later I realize I’m still sitting on the dressing room bench looking at my phone, trying to process the insanity this woman just uttered tome.
“Excuse me, Elizabeth?” I look up and see Rayna’s head poking through the now open swinging door with it’s fancy brass handle. Everything in the place looks soexpensive.
“Yeah?”
“You coming?” she says with a big smile. She’s happy as a pig in shit. Free of her grandmother for three days and she and Langdon are back together. That’s the tea she had for us the moment we checked in. This is Claudia’s weekend, I remind myself. Be present,Lewis.
“Yeah. I’m coming.” I force a smile and stash my phone in my personal cubby that is way too fancy to call a locker. Rayna links her arm with mine as I make my way through the door. When we emerge into a large stone room with a massive glass window that overlooks the valley, the view is breathtaking, but I can’t appreciate it. That ache is starting to rise in my chest again. It’s a daily thing now. I’m working on it. I’m in therapy. Claudia’s doctor gave me a great referral. There’s so much to work through. More than I ever realized I’ve been holdingonto.
Noa, Brooklyn and Claudia are already face down on their massage tables, being attended to by the most skilled ofhands.
“This is Salina,” Rayna says, introducing me to the beautiful Asian woman standing next to one of the remainingtables.
“Whenever you’re ready,” Salina says, gesturing to the linen wrappedtable.
“Lizzie,” Brooklyn slurs. “You are in for atreat.”
“I bet.” I slip off my robe and force another smile as I laydown.
I tense the second Salina’s fingers touch my skin. I’m not ready and for some reason my body is completely unwilling to relax. I close my eyes and force myself to breathe. I know what’s happening and I know how to stop it. I just need to breathe and count. Remember that I’mfine.
It just doesn’t work. The tears start leaking out of my eyes. I try again to pull some air to my tightening lungs. A noise comes out of me and I know everyone in the room thinks I’m mortally wounded. That makes it worse. I move up to my elbows so I can cover my face and really startcrying.
“Shit,” I hear Brooklyn say, and a second later she’s beside me, rubbing my shoulder. “It’s okay. Come here.” She takes my arms and helps me sit up. Noa wraps my robe over my shoulders and the next thing I know, they are all gathered aroundme.
“Can you ladies just give us a minute?” Claudia asks the poor masseuses who are just trying to do their jobs. I catch a few of their sincere looks of worry as they leave theroom.
“What’s wrong?” Claudia asks once we’realone.
“I’m so sorry,” I tellher.
“Don’t apologize. What’swrong?”
“Yeah, bitch. Why you crying?” Brooklyn says. I can’t stop the laugh the sputters out ofme.
“I don’t know.Everything.”
“Okay. Come on. Let’s talk it out. What’s on your mind?” Rayna walks over to the table in the corner and pours me a glass of sparkling water. It’s a real fancy glass. I take it from her and take a sip. It actually helps. I didn’t realize how thirsty Iam.
“I just heard back from the Manhattan D.A.’s office—like right before we came in here. I know we said no cellphones.”
“Whatever. All three of these assholes have been texting their bum boyfriends since we got here,” Brooksays.
“Excuse me, my amazing fiancé is paying for this trip. I can text him whenever I want,” Claudiasays.
“Whatever.” Brooklyn flips her hair dramatically over her shoulder and looks back at me. “You were saying,darling.”
“They’ve decided not to press charges againstme.”