He shakes his head. “I was like thirty-three when I finally figured it out and it seemed kind of pointless. I have a job. I have a home. I havefriends.”
“Right…”
“When we were kids, everyone just thought my parents got one of each, a shy twin and an outgoing twin. When I had to do anything that required me to talk, Scott would usually do the talking for me. When I was alone… I would pretend I wasScott.”
“Hmm,” I reply. I’m trying to picture it. The two of them as they are now, but smaller versions trying to figure themselvesout.
“In junior high my ‘shyness’ or whatever the fuck you would call it got worse and I was fucking up in school. I felt like shit because my dad was always busy working and they would drag my mom in and she had this brown boy—I mean, you’ve seen a little bit of what’s going on around here. This place is prettywhite.”
“Yeah,” I say with a little laugh. “I did noticethat.”
“In, like, seventh grade, Scott sat me down and asked me what was wrong with me ’cause he knew sometimes I completely had my shit together. I told him what I’d been doing. He said he understood and just to keep doing whatever I was doing to get by. Then in high school, we both got into this prep school in New Hampshire, but I didn’t want togo.
“He didn’t want to stay. I was all fucked up that he was leaving me behind and my parent were encouraging it ’cause they thought it would help me be more independent. The day before Scott left he told me to just pretend to be him. If I was even feeling off, just present his confidence. He’d take Silas off to boarding school and leave me with hisconfidence.”
“Did itwork?”
“No, but I had a massive growth spurt the summer after freshman year and Coach Fortner was so excited to have me on the o-line that he didn’t give a shit if I had any social skills. Plus I did well in school. I just sucked at dealing withpeople.”
“But you still missedScott?”
“No. He and some of his fellow pieces of shit accidentally killed akid.”
“What?!” My response is so loud I scare Gala out of the grass. She comes running back at the sound of my voice. “Whathappened?”
“It was so damn stupid. Teenagers do stupid shit. I did stupid shit when he was away, but I was just pretending to be Scott in my head. By the time we were sixteen, I looked taller. He wasn’t playing sports so I was getting bigger. I started wearing a goatee. His school had a strict dress code so he had to shave. He got a fake ID with my picture and name on it. They snuck off campus and got drunk and decided to play a prank on this kid and they killed him. When they got arrested, he gave them the fake ID. It clearly wasn’t him, at least I knew it wasn’t, but we’re fucking twins and even when they asked him, he insisted it washim.
“My parents got him out of any major trouble. He got booted out of school and the judge gave him a slap on the wrist because it was an accident, I guess, but someone over in that county fucked up the paperwork and suddenly I had an adult record. It took me months to get that shit clearedup.”
“That kid’s parents thought Silas McInroy had killed their kid,” I say. My voice feels hollow. He nods. “Yeah, I see how that would put a strain on yourrelationship.”
“He also fucked me over with thisfarm.”
“Jesus, Scott.” I drop my head into my hands. “What happenedthere?”
“My parents got us this farm so we could have something. Developers forced my mom’s family off their place in Hawaii. My dad and my uncle are fighting their uncle to get some of their family property back right now. That’s why my parents are in Scotland. They wanted us to have something so they bought us this farm from the family that owned it before. I told Scott I didn’t want it. I was finishing my law degree. I’d been offered an official gig with the NFL. I wasn’t coming back. So he agreed. He told my parents to sign the paperwork and he’d be back the day aftergraduation.”
“But hebailed.”
“Hebailed.”
“Silas, you didn’t have to comeback.”
“Yeah I did. I don’t regret it now. I love this place and it suits me. People here know me. They know how I work. If I had gone to work for the NFL, I would have had to pretend to be Scott for the rest of my life. Too many new face to face interactions, but everyone here gets it. They getme.”
“But—”
“Who am I supposed to give this to? How do I keep this in the family when I can’t keep a woman? How do I keep this in the family? How do I grow this business, maybe even turn it into the start of generational wealth when I can’t make it through most first dates because the second I’m face to face with a woman I like, I know I can’t pretendanymore?”
I sigh because I have no answer. I know exactly what he means. He wants a partner. He wants love and he has no clue how to findit.
“That wasn’t me proposing to you, by the way,” he says. “I like you, but I’m notstupid.”
I laugh and take his hand again. “I appreciate the clarification. And let me tell you, I’m not sure I know many women who want to marry Scott McInroyeither.”
“My mom wants me to tell Scott the truth about us. She says I owe it tohim.”
“I don’t think you do. Me on the otherhand…”