“Is there a reason you’re still having wet dreams at what? Thirty-five?” Ireply.
He stares at me for a minute and then his eyebrows drop like he’s finally worked something out. “This has nothing to do with why you’re here. This is deeper than that. This is oldshit.”
“I’m not talking about this with you.” I grab my laptop and try to leave the room. He grips my arm, stopping me before I can squeeze byhim.
“Please let go ofme.”
His hand drops immediately. “Sorry.” I don’t move another inch. Mostly because he’s still blocking ninety-five percent of the doorway, but there’s this other part of me who is sick of running. Or maybe part of me is sick of people expecting me to be alone because of how I look and what I do for a living and how fucking good I am at it. Everything about me is too much and what kind of man wants a woman who is too much? I slipped. I made a mistake. I’m not going to pay for itthough.
Silas lets out a deep breath and moves out of the way, but he’s not donetalking.
“Listen. I’m basically a stranger. A stranger who clearly keeps fucking up, but sometimes it’s easier, shit,better, to unload on someone who knows nothing about you. Something happened last night. What’s going on?” he says. “Tellme.”
“Tell me why you’re single,” Ireply.
“What?”
“Tell me why you’re single. Look at you. You’re built, you’re fine as hell. You own your own business. Everyone around here loves you. Surely there is some buxom school teacher in town somewhere looking for a man like you to build her artisanal furniture and bring her fresh pies. Why are you living in this giant house alone with nothing but five dogs to keep youcompany?”
“You know my brother the smooth ass sweet talker?” he says as he steps past me into the kitchen. “Well he got all the charm. He can talk his way into and out of anything, and I got the skill to actually show you what I’m madeof.”
“And? A good work ethic is pretty damn attractive. You’re still not making sense. Tryagain.”
“You’re not the only person who thinks I’m a dick.Okay?”
I feel my brows pulling together in confusion. People around the farm seem to love him. He’s still not making any sense. “For some reason I don’t buythat.”
“Well it’s all I got for sale.” He lets out a sharp exhale then rolls his eyes. “I’m terrible with women. Farm patrons, my friends, my employees, no problem. I kill relationships before they even get started, so yeah it’s been awhile since I had a girlfriend. And I don’t have time to run around chasing hookers so I haven’t had sex in a while. What’s your excuse?” he asks, raising hisvoice.
I don’t know what I’m thinking when I respond to him. I’m just sick of hisshit.
Iexplode.
“It’s funny you mentionhookers. Sex work is an interesting trade. It really is work you know, but you learn a lot about other people. You learn a lot about yourself and you learn a lot about men. So after the ten years I spent as a professional dominatrix, while juggling law school and raising my sister, I did something silly. I told myself I wasn’t going to sleep with someone again until I felt myself falling in love. Who would have thought corporate law would do such a crippling number on my actual sociallife.
“Who thought it would almost get me killed,” I say with an empty laugh. He just stares at me for a second. But I’m not done. “So maybe, I don’t know, I was just so starved for male attention that my female lizard brain was having a hard time telling my body what was real and what was part of this ruse we have goingon.”
“See?! I didn’t even know you were a prostitute and I managed to offendyou.”
“Jesus Christ, Silas. Shut the fuck up! I just wanted to kiss you, okay? I’m sorry if I read the whole being humped awake thing wrong. Now if you’ll excuse me.” I try to make another break for it and he grabs my arm again, but this time he spins me around and then deftly slides my laptop out of my hands. He sets it on thetable.
“What are you doing?” Iask.
He doesn’t respond. He just kisses me. Both of his massive hands cup my cheeks and his lips are on mine and this time we are both definitely awake. I hate how good it feels to kiss Silas. I hate that I want to stab him with something long and blunt, and at the same time I can feel the tears burning behind my eyes at the thought of this kiss going wrong. I know it won’t, because this kiss is perfect. Silas is right, he is terrible with women. First dates with him must be the most awkward hell, especially after he starts talking, but I know any woman who made it to the kissing portion of the evening would be struggling with the same emotions I’m trying to fight back when I feel myself sighing into hismouth.
I’m pathetic as one of his hands drops from my cheek and slides around my neck and down to my back. He gently pulls me closer and I open my mouth to him just enough to let his tongue slide against mine. This is the kiss I wanted the night before. The kiss I’ve been waiting for, even if it wasn’t from this man. This is the kiss I’m embarrassed to admit that after more than thirty-one years of hard living I’ve never experienced. Silas is right. Scott can talk his way into anything, but Silas is all about theaction.
He pulls away at the right moment, thesmartmoment, right before I start backing him toward the nearest sturdy surface or pull him toward the bedroom. My heart is pounding when I look up into his dark brown eyes. I want to touch his face, run my fingertips into what is now a fullbeard.
“This doesn’t mean I like you,” he says, punching the elephant in the room the way I’m learning he loves todo.
“I don’t like you atall.”
“Good. Good then.” He grabs his raincoat and tugs it on. Morty finds this interesting and walks over to Silas to investigate. “I—um, I’m gonna go back out to help feed the animals and then I’ll be back. On days like this we’re pretty shut down except for thecafe.”
“Okay. I’m not going anywhere,” I say as my fingers automatically go to my bottomlip.
“Okay. I’ll bring youdinner.”