* * *
Idefinitely should have slepton the couch. That couch has been in our family going on forty years. I’m pretty sure the center support is broken, but I know for a fact I would have had a better night’s sleep on that piece of shit than I did next to Ebie. When my vibrate alarm goes off, two things are clear. I’ve only slept in twenty minute increments. Thirty minutes if you include all the time spent trying to convince myself that I wasn't awake. And I need to have a conversation with Ebie about what the fuck she considers personalspace.
My alarm goes off and this woman is splayed on top of me. Half of her body is on top of mine. Her head is tucked under my chin. Her arm is wrapped around my torso. Her fucking knee is gently resting on top of my crotch, her thigh over mine. My cock decided to relax, but my balls are still aching. At no point in the night did the amazing way she smells go away. I look down and see that Honeycrisp has given up on trying to sleep in between us and has curled up on the other side of the bed, behind Ebie. It would be adorable if it were close to anything I actually want to wake up to. Itisn’t.
I look out the window and imagine running down Scott’s Mercedes on foot, pulling him out of the car and beating him to death. I can't stand him. I stare at the roof of my tool shed through the break in the curtains. The sun is about to rise. Ebie being in my house and in my bed defines inconvenience. Between the way she looks and the way she’s clinging to me I know she needs her rest, but I have to get up. I carefully move her arm, then reach down and slide her leg off me. As I’m easing out from under her head, I see her eyelids flutter. I freeze, then realize it’s best to just get it over with. I slide my hand under the silk scarf thing she has wrapped around her hair and ease her head onto the pillow. She lets out a deep breath, but she doesn’t wakeup.
I grab my towel and dig a washcloth out of my clean clothes pile and head upstairs to the bathroom. I don’t look around to see if there are any squatters on the second floor. They’d be welcome to it as long as they kept it down. I never come up here anymore. They’d be able to make themselves right at home. After I clean the cobwebs out of the tub and check if the pipes up here even work, I shower then head back downstairs to put on some clothes. Ebie is still knocked out when I get back. She seems to be sleeping more soundly. No clue what was so appealing about cuddling up to me, but whatever. I drop my towel and get ready for my day in peace. She doesn’t even wake up when I shove Honeycrisp out of the way and sit on the edge of the bed to put on my boots. Before I leave I grab a piece of paper, write down my cellphone number and slide it under her phone. I set a reminder to call out for a maid service at eight a.m. and then I head out. I needcoffee.
* * *
“Fuck’s wrong with you?You look like shit,” Ginny asks me. I take the clipboard out of herhand.
“Rough night. Didn’t sleepmuch.”
“What’s on your mind, champ?” Ginny leans on the counter and bats her eyelashes at me. I think for a second, not even reading the words on the order form in my hand. My eyes won't focus anyway. I’m high on caffeine and sleep deprivation. I set the clipboard down and look atGinny.
“My girlfriend is here. Her name’s Ebie. Tell as many people as you want. Get it out of yoursystem.”
Ginny gasps, then steps back a few feet and puts her hand on her chest. “Excuse me? What did you justsay?”
“I met someone online. I think I might love her,” I add for a little flavor, because why the fuck not. “And she finally came to visit. She got in late though. She’s still crashed out at thehouse.”
Maya comes walking into the kitchen to find Ginny gawking at me. “What? What’s goingon?”
Ginny lets out a little sound of shocked disgust then finally closes her mouth. She looks at her wife. She looks at me. She looks at her wife again. “Our sweet baby boy Silas here has a girlfriend. He’shada girlfriend. They met online. The girlfriend is here. As in on the premises,here.He might love her. Her name is—what’s her nameagain?”
“Ebie.”
“And she has an adorable as fuck name.Ebie.”
“Bullshit!” Mayayells.
I shrug. “Sorry to break both your hearts,ladies.”
“No, I call bullshit,” Maya says “I’ve been trying to set you up since the first BushAdministration.”
“I didn’t know you back then. And we were in the fourthgrade.”
“But it feels like it’s been that long doesn’t it?” Ginny says. “You haven’t had a girlfriend the entire time we’ve knownyou.”
“He hasn’t had a girlfriend the entire time he’s beenalive.”
“Now you’re both lying. What about Jamie? We were prettyserious.”
They both look at each other, like they know I’m full of shit. ’Cause Iam.
“Yeah. That was some great romance,” Maya says. “You both scratched each other’s itches until she tried to ultimatum you into awedding.”
“And her plan worked out great,” I remind them. “I saw her over at the high school the other day and she’s pregnant again. Zach is over themoon.”
“Okay, whatever. If it wasn’t for Jamie, I’d be pretty sure you were still a virgin,” Ginnysays.
“He might as well be. I hate to pry, but I don’t hate to pry at all. Did you two do it last night?” Maya asks. She steps closer to me and puts her hand on my shoulder. “It’s been a while, Silas. Was it bad? Like really bad? Do you need any pointers? You can ask us anything. You know you can. We’re here foryou.”
“See, this is why I don’t tell you two shit.” I grab the clipboard and the pen again. “I need double on the Family Jam this week. Ethel Lincoln brought some to the picnic over at St. Michael’s and half the church came over and bought what we had left in themercantile.”
“Yeah, yeah. We’ll make a ton more. But hold on, hold on. I think we need to talk about this some more. How long has this been goingon?