"Come, baby. Come for me," I say. “Come all over my fucking hand. Squeeze me." I feel her bearing down. I keep shaking my fingers and I know I'm hitting that spot. She fills my palm, soaks my wrists and soon it's running down the inside of her thighs. She's practically screaming but I won't stop until I'm ready. She keeps shaking. Her chest is moving up and down. I swear I can hear her heart beating or the sound of my heartbeat is filling up the whole room. She soaks my hand two more times before I withdraw and slowly step away. I wipe her wetness on her thigh. Then reach for the lube and a condom.
I watch her as I get myself ready. I've worked her out pretty good. Her head is slumping on her shoulders and her wrists are carrying all her weight. Her knees are done. She keeps squeezing her eyes shut. She blacked out momentarily, but I think she can take a little more. I move back behind her and gently spread her cheeks. They are still glowing hot. It's hard not to stand there and just admire my handiwork while I ease the plug out of her. She whimpers again and shivers as I slip it out.
"Shhh," I tell her. "You won't be empty for long."
I set the plug on the table and slick my cock with some more lube before I gently start to press my way in. Claudia takes me beautifully. I hear her breathing instantly change and I can feel the way she's relaxing and flexing her muscles to let every inch of me up that perfect ass of hers. I know I'm not gonna last long. She's so fucking tight and hot and the smell of her pussy is all around me still coating my hand and forearm. I need to come.
I grip her hips gently then lick the shell of her ear before I ease out and push back in. I slip my hand around and finger her sweet clit again. I pinch it hard and she shoots back up to her tiptoes, making this noise that I know will be a part of my jerk off fantasies for the rest of my life. My left hand is still on her hip and I use it to give me the leverage I need to pound in and out of her. I keep squeezing that clit of hers until she comes and this time I'm with her. That pressure shoots up my balls, all the way to the crown of my head and I think about just how amazing it would be to fill her with my cum one day.
I think I black out for a second and when I come back myself, we're both still shaking a bit. I need more time, but she needs me now. I can't leave her restrained anymore. I gently ease out of her and discard the condom in the trash, then zip up my pants.
When I come back to her she's definitely something to look at. Drool lining her body from her bottom lip past her navel. Her thighs still dripping wet and there's a small puddle at her toes. I undo the ball gag and immediately she sighs and grinds her back teeth. I grab a towel and quickly wipe down her thighs and drop the towel on the floor, then I remove her hands from the cuffs. I catch her as she falls into my arms and swoop her up. I use my foot to cover the wet spot she's left behind on the floor, before I move her to the couch.
"Better?" I ask. She nods and then I feel it. Her whole body draws up, every inch of her chest and then the sound comes out. She doesn't cry, she weeps, sobs against my chest. I cradle her head, kiss her face, rub every inch of her back. It's a while before she stops, but I expected it to be this intense. We've both been keeping a lot in. Eventually she rolls her head against my chest and rubs her cheek against my shirt. I laugh a little but I don't care that she's using my Henley as a tissue.
"Better?"
"I don't even know. That was crazy."
"Crazy bad or crazy good?"
"Good. Surreal. I think I'm still having an out of body experience."
"You were fucking amazing," I say. "I’ll give you some water in a minute and then I'm gonna use that massage oil on every inch of your beautiful, sore, used up body and then I'm going to put you to bed."
"I want you to come to bed with me."
"I will, baby," I say. "I'm not going anywhere."
Sixteen
Claudia
Shep saidI would feel a little weird, something about a sub space, but I feel more than weird once we’re finished. I can’t even begin to describe how good it is. I don’t even know if I’ll tell Liz about it. Her staunch commitment to the bachelorette life has led to her having a more varied and exciting sex life than mine, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to vocalize what happens between Shep and I. He follows through on his promise. We stay on the couch for a while. He gives me all the water I could handle, two full glasses that he tells me to sip slowly. I chug the second glass. Then he takes me to the bedroom and he brings the massage oil with us. He didn’t joke when he said he was going to rub down every inch of my body.
He lays on the bed and takes his time massaging my shoulders, all the way down to my hands. He massages my fingers and explains that I’d be surprised how random parts of the body can be inexplicably sore after sessions as intense as the one we’d just experienced. My brain tries to come up with words to respond. Something about how he did lie or how I wasn’t expecting any of this to really happen, but I can’t because my brain isn’t working right. So I just nod. Or I just agree with him in my head.
After he finishes with my feet, he tells me he was going to shut down the house and get in bed with me. He asks if I need anything else. I ask about that pie. He comes back with it and his laptop. I pick at the crust as I watch him strip naked and try not to climb all the way into his lap while we watch more of my Netflix choices. Shep is sweet and attentive. He only tells me once that my choices in entertainment are terrible and I know he’s half joking. When I ask him to kiss me, he does. I still don’t feel right though. I cannot put my finger on it, but something is wrong.
* * *
Ifeela little better when Shep wakes me up in the morning. It’s early again. The sun isn’t up. Shep has me sit up when he turns on the light and he looks me over. He’s checking for bruising he says, but he doesn’t find any. He asks me how I feel. I tell him I’m okay, but I feel a little strange and I feel a little strange about him, like I won’t exactly feel right if he’s not holding me. I know I’ve said that before, but this time it feels a little different.
He tells me I’m experiencing something called sub drop. I’ll be feeling a little wonky, maybe fore the rest of the day, but he won’t leave me. He’ll hold me as much as I want. He pulls me into his arms. He kisses my face. I almost tell him that I think we should stay in bed, but I keep that to myself and we shower together and then we get dressed.
He hands me Titus’s leash and we head out into the darkness. We go a different way this time. The trail is narrower and Shep has me walk in front of him. “Titus knows the way,” he says. I don’t say anything, I just hold on and let this massive beast of a dog drag me through the wilderness. It’s colder than before. I know this kind of cold even though there’s something different to it in the city.
It’s going to snow at some point. I regret not bringing my hat, but I don’t want to pull up my hood even though my ears are getting cold. I want to be able to hear everything. It’s still dark when we come to this small clearing. There’s a break in the trees above though and that lack of coverage makes it light enough to see the tall ferns that grow uninterrupted.
“This is the spot,” Shep says. His voice sounds distant to me and I feel like I’m moving in slow motion when I turn to him as he starts to pull his camera out of its bag. Something flashes through me. It’s anger maybe. I don’t know, it’s something, and it’s making my skin itchy.
“Kiss me,” I say to him.
In the near darkness we’re close enough for me to see the corner of his lip turn up under his mustache. He says something, but I don’t hear him. I’m not paying attention. And he’s moving closer to me anyway so I know it doesn’t matter. He kisses me deep and slow. I try to live in that kiss, the way his lips are so smooth and the way his beard feels against my face. I look for what's making me feel so weird in the way his tongue slowly slides against mine. My clit starts to throb and I know if I finger myself I’ll be wet in that way that demands a certain kind of attention. My chest hurts when he pulls away and licks his lips.
“When I’m done. Right up against that tree. How does that sound?”
“Good,” I say. He smiles again. I know he’s happy that he finally has me wrapped around his giant little finger. Whatever a Dominant is supposed to be, he is that. He’s great at it. I am subdued. I have submitted. I’ll do it again and again. I’ll do it up against that tree when he’s done documenting the morning sky and the way we’re slowly killing our planet. I’ll do my best not to let whatever is eating at me choke me before he’s ready to show me how manly he can be out in the great wide open.