“No, but either I can’t sleep or I want to sleep all the time. Or I’m waking up at weird hours.”
“Are you still having nightmares?”
My throat closes. “No.”
“There is nothing that dictates that you need to keep working there, but I would recommend contemplating next steps before making a hasty exit.”
I nod and turn my phone over in my lap. It's off, but fidgeting with it is better than looking at my hands when they're empty. Some of the scars will fade, but a lot of the deep cuts will leave their tracks in my skin forever.
“I don't want to go back,” I say.
“Can you tell me why?
“I just don't want to be there.” I'm not sure I want to be in the city, I almost add.
“Well you haven't had a real break since your brother’s funeral, from what you’ve told me. A break or a fresh start might be a good idea.”
“Yeah.”
“Have you needed to use the breathing exercises this week?”
Like seventeen times a day. “No. I tried to tune people out.”
She scribbles something down. I almost close my eyes and take a deep breath and count to ten. Almost.
Five
Shep
“Climate change isn’t real, my ass,” I say to no one, but Titus is looking up at me when I glance over at him. The sun is finally breaking through the clouds, giving me a chance at the shot I’ve been wanting for the last few days. This time of year the mountain typically has a few inches of snow, but it’s too warm. All we’re getting is rain.
I shoot for a while, catching the sun as it breaks through the clouds in the distance and passes under the horizon. I give Titus his moments of vanity and take a few shots of him exploring the underbrush and rocks that surround the paths on the way back to my place. It’s full dark before we break through onto my property and the temperature has dropped, but I’m in no rush.
I put my gun away, then set my camera bag and my walkie down, and go to grab Titus his dinner. I see the notification light is blinking on my house phone. It’s enough to sidetrack me. No one ever calls that number unless they need me down the mountain and they can’t get me on my cell. I go to hit the button and my phone rings again. The noise is so loud and grating I snatch it off the cradle before it can ring another time.
“Hello?”
“You busy?” It’s Connie. I can hear Paul shouting out orders in the background.
“Not really. Something the matter?”
“That girl, Claudia Cade. She’s in town. She came by the diner asking for you.”
“What?” I’m not sure I heard her right.
“That girl you saved. The one you brought down the mountain. She was just here. Jerry was in when she first came in. He was shocked to see her, but as soon as he left she asked me if I knew where to find you.”
I’m silent for a few moments too long. I hear Connie, but it’s not making any sense.
“Shep.”
“She still there?” I ask.
“No. I had her hang tight and gave her something to eat while I tried to get a hold of you. She just left.”
“Did she say where she was going?”
“She mumbled something about the hospital. She might have gone over there. You want me to call and see if Fern’s checked in yet?”