She’d been so angry at him for dredging up the past, soscaredto go back to that night and determined to stand her ground…she forgot all about her scar. Not the one from James’ bullet.
The one Cera had given herself when she wanted to die.
Keeping it covered and out of sight from others had become as natural to her as breathing. But she’d been so consumed with trying to block out her demons, she’d forgotten about the most embarrassing one of all.
And now Ivan’s seen it, too.
“Ah, Cera.” Her name was a fallen whisper rolling from his parted lips. The pity she found staring back at her was almost as deep as the knife she’d used so long ago.
Maybe even deeper.
She followed his troubled gaze as he studied the slightly puckered skin running from the base of her wrist to the middle of her forearm. The pad of Ivan’s thumb caressed the permanent reminder of the lowest point in her life.
A constant reminder of a time when death wasn’t simply a welcomed relief, but the ultimate respite. One she’d desperately needed to find.
Now he’s seen it.
“Don’t.” Shame drove Cera to yank her arm free. Promptly shoving the sleeve all the way back down to her wrist, she told him, “I don’t need, nor do I want your pity.”
“Tell me what happened,” he rasped low as she turned and went into the room’s ensuite bathroom.
“Why?” She hastily began gathering the very few things that were actually hers. “So you can throw it back in my face later on?” Assuming she evenhada later in her future. “That’s what some of the cops in Durango did. Hell, one officer within the CSPD flat out told me he thought my mental health issues were causing me to have delusions. That I had either imagined the items in my home being moved, or”—an unladylike snort bubbled up with a humorless chuckle she didn’t have the energy to stifle— “and this is my favorite, I’d moved them myself and simply…forgot.”
That had been the moment when Cera decided to leave Colorado Springs and move north. Away from all those pitiful, doubting eyes.
“I’m sorry you lost your mom and sister the way you did.” His imposing form filled the bathroom’s open doorway. “And I’m sorry you have some piece of shit stalking you, now. No one should ever have to experience either of those things.” His Adam’s apple worked with a hard swallow. “Let alone both.”
She huffed out a sarcastic breath. “Everyone’s always sorry. Sorry for my loss. Sorry I got shot. Sorry I was made an orphan at seventeen and was so distraught that I hadn’t been able to save my family. To save Callie…”
Her voice cracked with a soul-crushing sorrow Cera felt every single day of her uncharmed life. Bottom lip trembling, she abandoned the busying task, and she shook away her burgeoning tears.
Absentmindedly wrapping her right hand around her covered scar, she laid out the whole, ugly truth right there. He wanted to ask his questions, fine. She’d give him every sordid, shameful detail.
“I wanted to be dead, Ivan.” There, she’d said it. “I was seventeen, and my family had just been murdered. I thought… I thought maybe f I died, I could…” Her chin trembled fiercely, and she had to fight to keep her entire face from crumbling under the weight of her sorrow. “I just wanted to see them again, you know? More than anything, I wanted tobewith my mom and sister again.” And Richard.
They were her only family, and when she lost them, a young Cera became consumed by the thought of being with them again.
And the only way I could make that a reality was to…
Ivan’s image blurred behind a wall of tears, but she stood silent and waited.
“I’d never throw something like that in your face.” Ivan took a cautious step forward. “And anyone who would is a waste of your time.”
“No. They’re not.” Ignoring his intoxicating scent, Cera scooped up her modest collection of toiletries and such and slid by him on her way out of the room. At the bed, she dropped the items onto the comforter and began shoving them into her awaiting purse.
“Tell me what happened,” Ivan rumbled the request again.
“You already know what happened.”
“I know what I read. But I want to see it throughyoureyes.”
“Why?” Cera turned, tossing her hands out to the side. Her palms made a loudclapwhen they landed hard against her denim-clad thighs.
He didn’t answer right away. Instead the infuriating man slowly walked toward her. He didn’t stop until he was inches away, surprising her with a cautious hand to her face.
“It’s still there, isn’t it?” Gently cupping her cheek with his palm, Ivan’s tone softened with an understanding a man like him shouldn’t possess. “I see the pain you live with every time I look into those gorgeous eyes of yours.”
Cera blinked, swallowing nervously as the tip of her tongue swiped along the seam of her suddenly dry lips. Doing her best not to react to his electrifying touch, she looked away with a jerky nod.