Kill or be killed.
“No,” I tell Celeste. “There was no bad intent on my part. I only did what I had to in order to survive.”
“Then take a deep breath and forgive yourself for it. Even if you didn’t realize it, you’re carrying around something that’s drawing more bad things to you, child. You gotta let it go. Forgive and move on.”
“I didn’t realize I was.” Admittedly, the guilt over Desiree floods my mind, but I haven’t given much thought to how I feel about killing Ortiz. It’s not exactly something I want to spend a lot of time thinking about.
“That’s why I felt the need to call you so strongly. You don’t need my permission, Magnolia. You just need to be reminded there are steps you haven’t taken that you need to address. That explains the card too. You’re hanging there, not sure what to do next. Free yourself by forgiving yourself.”
“I can do that,” I say, even though the words get caught in my throat and I have to force them out. I’ll unpack the rest of my emotional baggage when this nightmare is over.
“You can. You’re a strong woman. Only something big and powerful would tie you up in knots. But you’re stronger than that. You can do this. Just be true to yourself,chère.”
I swallow again, but the lump in my throat won’t go away. “Thank you, Celeste. I needed to hear that.”
She cackles. “Celeste knows. I’ll leave you be now. Do what you need, get unstuck, and move on.”
“Thank you,” I whisper as the call ends.
I’m left holding my phone in nerveless fingers, wondering how in the hell Celeste knows me so well. I take a few steps toward the bed and drop onto it, saying a silent prayer for forgiveness over taking another’s life.
It never occurred to me to forgive myself for that night, but as soon as I will it so, it feels like a weight has lifted.
Thankful, I say another prayer for Celeste, to keep her safe and healthy.
When I stand, it’s like new purpose flows in my veins. I need forward movement. No more stagnation. Things need to happen now, because I’m tired of waiting for the answers to come to us. We have to go out and get them.
With that knowledge driving me, I search the compound for Moses. Maybe there’s something I can do to help find this asshole so we can all move on with our lives.
It’s time.
Thirty
Moses
When Magnolia opens the door to what Trey and Jules have dubbed their war room, my lips tug with a smile—until I meet her steely gaze.
“What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing. I’m just ... I’m ready for this shit to be finished. What do we need to do to draw this guy out? We can’t hide out and wait forever. I’m no coward.”
Magnolia has no idea Trey dug up some new information on our guy, so I’m not sure what’s fueling her words.
“We’re not just hiding out and waiting. We’re finding solid leads so we can end this shit safely,” Trey says. “You’re probably not real impressed with my skills right about now, but I’m fucking good. It’s just that this guy did everything right and stayed off the grid. Whoever he hired to wipe him out didn’t come cheap. At least, now we know why he was so fucking paranoid.”
Magnolia’s attention cuts from me to Trey. “What do you mean? What do we know now?”
I hold out an arm, and without question or hesitation, Magnolia comes to me. “He’s never been in the US legally, and we’re pretty fucking sure he did a stint as asicario.”
She blinks up at me. “What the fuck is asicario?”
“A hit man for a cartel,” Trey says, his tone grim. “But this dude was smart as fuck. He came up with a plan to get out, which doesn’t usually work, but he made it happen when he faked his own death. It was real enough that the cartel he worked for bought it. Not that it was hard for him to do the wet work himself, considering all the bodies he’d have access to.”
My gaze darts to Trey, hoping he understands he’s shared enough. Magnolia is no shrinking violet—if anything, she’s iron strong—but she still doesn’t need Trey to paint a picture of the violence this guy was involved in.
“How will this help us find him?” Magnolia says, asking the million-dollar question.
“Now that we know he’s got a connection to the cartel—and which one—there’s a possibility they’d like him back. We can pull Mount’s connections in and see if they’ll offer assistance.”