What is wrong with me?Wait, it’s not me, it’s him. Just being around him sends my body and my mind into a tailspin.
Ten years ago, my addiction to Lincoln Riscoff was dangerous and altered my life in a way I never fully recovered from. Now? It would be even crazier. He’s the heir to a billion-dollar empire, and I’m infamous. The stakes are higher. We both have more to lose. He could never give me what I want—a quiet, simple life out of the limelight.
“I can almost hear your brain coming up with reason after reason not to agree with anything I say, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying, Blue. There are some mistakes a man only makes once, and losing you was one of them.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see the sincere expression on his face. If I’m not careful, he’ll do what he always did and convince me against my better judgment.
With a deep breath, I find my fortitude and meet his stare once more. “I was young and dumb, and I made terrible decisions back then that I’ve paid for over and over again. I’m trying to start fresh, and I can’t take the chance of making the same mistakes again. Whatever you think you want from me, you don’t. I’m not that girl anymore. I’m older and hopefully a hell of a lot smarter. I think it’s best if you go.” I’m incredibly proud of myself that my voice doesn’t quaver as I deliver my speech.
Lincoln rises. “I’ll go, but first, I have to say that you’re right—we did make bad decisions. We let other people come between us. You’re not the same girl you were back then, and I’m not the same hotheaded kid with something to prove. I’ve learned too. I know the value of what I lost. You don’t know what I want from you, Blue. But you will, when you’re ready.”
I stand, on the verge of telling him I’ll never be ready, but he backs up and grasps the door handle.
“I’ll make sure your aunt has a job, and then I’ll be back. You and I aren’t done. We won’t be done until you can tell me that I mean absolutely nothing to you and mean it.”
Lincoln pushes the door open and slips out before I have a chance to lie to him.
I flop back on the futon and yank a blanket over my head.
He meant what he said. He’ll be back, and before he returns, I need to learn how to say it convincingly.
37
Lincoln
I stepout of the shed, and Jackie Gable stalks toward me from the back patio of the house. Her face is hard as she meets me at the back gate.
“I know what you’re thinking. You think if you can get my job back, then you’ve got a clear shot at my niece. Your plan isn’t going to work, though, because I quit.” She keeps her voice low, and the challenge in it is impossible to miss.
Stubborn Gable women. They might actually be the death of me.
“Why the hell would you quit? Whitney said you need that job.”
“You think I want to be associated with your family after what your mother said to my niece?”
“That’s some expensive pride.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and her chin goes up. “Damn right, and I’m willing to stand up for it.”
“Like my sister stood up for you when she brought you on? Even though my mother demanded she fire you immediately? I remember you being in a tough spot back then.”
Jackie’s lips flatten. “It’s none of your damn business what kind of a spot I was in, then or now.”
“It’s my business when you leave my sister in the lurch after she went out on a limb for you. I thought you respected her more than that.”
Something flits across Jackie’s face, telling me I scored a hit.
“Your sister is the only decent one of you. She understands what I had to do. Now, get the hell out of my yard and don’t come back. We don’t need any more of the kind of trouble you bring. We’ve got plenty of our own already.”
Instinct claws at me to fix this by throwing money at it. To somehow make Jackie Gable not hate me for something I didn’t do or say. Or maybe she hates me for not protecting Whitney from my mother. I’m sure there’s a plethora of reasons I could choose, but instead, I turn and walk away.
Sometimes, the only thing you can do is retreat, regroup, and work out a new strategy before you end up saying things you can’t take back.
38
Lincoln
The past