1
Present day
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, looking for that blessed hope when the Lord himself shall descend from heaven ...”
The priest murmurs the words I’ve heard too many times over a casket that shouldn’t be here. None of us should be here. This funeral shouldn’t even be happening.
As the priest continues to drone, I bow my head to stare at the blades of grass I’ve trampled into the dirt beneath my feet. I can’t stand to look at that wooden box for another second.
I should be sweating in the heat under my layers of black, but the block of ice lodged in my chest keeps me frozen where I stand.
I don’t feel the heat.
I don’t feel anything.
I’m not sure I’ll ever feel anything again.
I’m numb—except for the guilt.
I did this.
This is all my fault.
2
Kane
Fifteen years earlier
The bus from the airport was taking for frigging ever, but if I wanted to keep it a surprise, I couldn’t call for a ride. I’d spent practically my last dollar to catch that flight, and my paycheck from Uncle Sam wasn’t going to hit for a few more days. Not that it was much of a paycheck when you thought about what we went through.
That’s what I signed on for in the army.Honor. Country. Duty. Those are things a man can believe in, along with surprising his mama with his unexpected leave.
The bus dropped us at the station, and I waited for two old ladies and another guy to get off before I shouldered my duffel bag and climbed down the stairs. It was a mile to the house, but it was worth it. Ma would be surprised as hell.
I just didn’t expect that I would be too.
Fifteen minutes later, I opened the back door and stuck my head inside the kitchen. Ma’s old dog, Rudy, didn’t bark to announce my arrival.
I crept inside and shut the door behind me, and finally heard rustling coming from the laundry room. Keeping my footsteps light, I moved across the polished wood floors down the back hallway as her blond head popped out of the room.
“Surprise!” I yelled, and she dropped the basket of clothes she was carrying and screamed, covering her mouth to cut it off before her gaze swung to mine.
“Ma! What the fuck happened? Are you okay?”
I kicked the laundry basket out of the way as I moved toward my mother. My mother with a fucking split lip and a bruise on her right cheekbone, despite her attempt to conceal it with makeup.
“Did you have an accident? What happened?”
“Kane, you didn’t tell me you were coming home.” Her voice held none of the excitement I thought it would.
I stepped forward and reached out to cradle her face in my hands. “Ma, what the fuck happened?”
Her pale blue gaze, just like mine, dropped away. “Nothing. Just clumsy.”
Chills rolled down my spine, and the hair on the back of my neck rose like a pissed-off dog’s. There was only one explanation that made any sense, and it was the last one I wanted to hear.
I met her gaze for a beat. “Tell me he didn’t do this.”