“Oh, look at that, I need more gauze. Better go find some.” Beau rushed to the door and was gone before she could protest.
“How are you feeling?” Graham asked, his words wooden.
Ro lost the flimsy grip she had on her temper. “Seriously, that’s what you have to say to me? After everything, that’s what you’ve got? Jesus, Graham. You—”
“You’re leaving tomorrow morning … with my best friend. What am I supposed to say? You tell me. Because I don’t have the slightest idea of how I’m supposed to feel right now, let alone what I’m supposed to say.”
“I didn’t ask him to go!”
“Trust me, I know all about it. It was his choice. And he picked you.”
“It’s not always a matter of someone not choosing you. You’re a grown man. You make your own goddamn choices. Clearly, because you chose to cut me loose the second things got hard.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he protested.
“No? Then what was it like?”
“I wasn’t going to let you tear yourself apart over this. I was trying to make it easier for you.”
“Don’t do me any favors.”
“Jesus, Ro. No matter what I do, I can’t do right by you.”
“You didn’t even try.”
Head and heart pounding relentlessly, Ro couldn’t handle another minute of this conversation. She didn’t want it to deteriorate into saying hurtful things she didn’t mean. And she wouldnotlet him see her cry. She pushed away from the chair and didn’t look back when she said, “Have a nice life, Graham.”
Graham clenched his fists and fought the urge to explode. The woman was infuriating. She tossed off words without thought, not realizing they ripped through him like the bullet that had creased his side. What was he supposed to do? Turn his back on the home he’d been given and all of the people who counted on him? The fact that Zach had been able to do it still stunned him. It was inconceivable. Impossible. Out of the question.
She hadn’t even asked him to leave with them.
That was the harshest truth to face. His split second decision to spare her emotional turmoil had spiraled out of control, wreaking havoc on his carefully ordered life. She’d leave, and everything would go back to normal. Except Zach would be gone. And Graham was pretty sure he’d have missed out on his one shot at happiness. After all this, he couldn’t figure any way that he deserved a second shot.
The food Allison prepared for the farewell dinner was excellent, Ro thought, if you could chew through the thick layer of awkwardness that pervaded the whole affair. Even the five year old picked up on the tension. “Mommy, why is everyone so quiet? I thought this was a party?”
Graham was a no-show. He’d volunteered to take a command post shift instead, freeing up Jonah to attend. Ro didn’t hear what Allison said to Grace, but the little girl didn’t ask any more questions that highlighted the too-sober nature of the evening. Ro wanted to hide under the table, or better yet, run away. The self-doubt was beating her down, and she couldn’t manage to do more than push her food around on her plate. The barbecued pulled pork should have smelled delicious, but Ro’s stomach was churning too much to eat more than a few tiny forkfuls. She didn’t even bother picking up the sandwich.
“Babe, aren’t you hungry?” Zach’s expression was concerned. He offered her a homemade French fry from his plate. “Want one?”
Ro smiled weakly and wanted to kick her own ass for being so obviously miserable. But she couldn’t fake happiness. Being disingenuous … wasn’t her forte.
“I’m just tired,” she said, not mentioning that her boobs hurt, and she was starting to freak the fuck out about what that might mean.
Jonah stood, drawing the attention of all in the room. He raised his water glass and said, “I want to propose a toast. To the Callahan family: it’s been a pleasure to know all of you, and I hope you’ll always feel like you have a place here, if you need it. And if you don’t, may your stores be bountiful, your ammo dry and plentiful, and your lives happy. Take care of our boy; he’s one of the best of us.”
Everyone clinked their water glasses and finished dinner without further fanfare. The guys each stopped to slap Zach on the back and give her a hug. None of them said much more than, “Take care of yourselves.” Ro’s guilt grew exponentially.
“All right, see you bright and early,” her dad called, heading for the door. “This train is leaving at oh-six-hundred.”
Erica grumbled about getting up so early, but moved to the kitchen to help Allison and Lia clean up. Ro didn’t have the energy to offer, even for politeness sake. She wanted her bed and for the next twenty-four hours to be over.
Zach walked her back to her cabin and kissed her softly on the forehead. “I’ll be by in the morning to get you.” He plucked a peanut butter Power Bar from his pocket. “Just in case you get hungry. Don’t think I didn’t notice you didn’t eat a damn thing for dinner.”
She buried her head in his chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a drag, I just ...”
He kissed her forehead again. “I know, babe. This isn’t easy for me either.”
“Then why are you doing it?” she whispered.