“If I drown, I will never forgive you.”
He presses his lips against my temple. “If you think I’m going to let you drown, then you don’t know me very well.”
I flick my gaze up to meet his.
You don’t know me very well.
My best friend’s words before I left to elope echo in my head.
* * *
Two years ago
“How well do you really even know him?”
“It’s been six months, Ben. I think I know him.”
He dropped a hand on each of my shoulders. “One weekend a month and two weeks in the summer is the kind of commitment you give the Army Reserve, Kat, not a relationship.”
I hated that he had a point.
“At least go live together before you get married. Maybe he has some double life you know nothing about. Or maybe he leaves the seat up. Or doesn’t rinse the sink after he shaves. There could be a million things you hate about each other within a couple weeks.”
“But we’ve lived together for a couple weeks, and—”
“And you were onvacation. Yes, I know you’re going to say you were working too, but it was completely different.I’m not trying to be an asshole. I’m saying this because I love you. I know it’s been hard since your mom died, and I love that he’s been an escape for you. You needed it. But think about this, Kat. You’re the smartest woman I know. Your relationship with him has been a vacation. It’s notreal.”
The words were like a slap in the face. I pulled away from Benjie’s grip.
“Why are you trying to shit on this? Is it because you’re jealous that I finally have something good in my life that’s not work?”
Benjie’s dark blond eyebrows knitted together. “Listen to yourself, Kat. You’re so fucking scared about what you’re doing that you’re taking swipes at me and sounding like a total bitch. Don’t do this. Just ... please, go live with him first. You don’t have to marry him. What if he has another family he’s hiding from you?”
“Why would you even say that?” My words came out sounding hysterical, and I spun around and headed for the door of Benjie’s apartment.
“Kat, wait. I know you need someone in your life other than me, but—”
I paused at the door and interrupted him. “But what if this is my only chance? What if ... what if it happens to me too?”
Apology and sympathy were etched into Benjie’s features. “Kitty Kat, you have to stop living your life with your head buried in the sand some days, and other days like an adrenaline junkie. You’re letting a tiny possibility fuck you up, and it’s not healthy. You need to find out for sure.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “I don’t want to know.”
Benjie shook his head. “For the smartest girl I know, you do some pretty dumb shit. Go live with him. Make sure you want to be together. Andtell him the truth.”
“I can’t.”
“I don’t want to sayI told you so. Don’t make me that friend.”
“I love you, Benjie.”
“I love you too, Kitty Kat.” He yanked me into a hug, and tears rushed down my face. “I just want you to be happy.”
“He makes me happy.”
“Then so be it.” Benjie pulled back. “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
* * *