It had been three days since I took her innocence, yet I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. In the shower, she was in my head; at work, she occupied my thoughts. Even at night, she appeared in my dreams and made love to me.
Considering how much time I spent thinking about her, I was afraid I might become obsessed with her. Every opportunity I got, my mind would flash back to that fateful night.
Despite how much time had passed, I could still taste her on my tongue. Her juice was delicious, and I licked it like a hungry beast. I explored her body, possessed her curves and contours, and made a woman out of her.
The plan that night was to make her first time memorable: to tattoo myself on her mind and give her something to remember.
How ironic, considering that it ended with her tattooing herself onmymind and giving me something to remember. I hadn’t been able to focus on anything else since the sex. All I did was reminisce on the sound of her moans and images of her face twisted in pleasure.
Even Konstantin has noticed that I was distracted. Yesterday, he asked if everything was okay with me, but I ignored him. I didn’t want anyone prying into my business, and I also couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was distracted by her.
Right now, I was starting to consider what my cousin Nial had proposed: to make her mine. According to him, I was already acting as though she belonged to me, so why not make it official?
If anything, this sex had proven to me that whatever attraction I felt for her was mutual. She never would’ve let me hit if she didn’t find me attractive. However, she didn’t just let me hit; she gave me her virginity and allowed herself to enjoy the whole process.
That was enough green light.
The only problem here was me.
Perhaps I was afraid that she was way too innocent for me. She was a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul, and I didn’t deserve her. Yet the thought of her with another man made my blood boil.
I’d crossed a line when I lay with her, ignoring the consequences of my actions. If I decided to take her as mine, I’d be endangering her life. And if, for some reason, I decided to withdraw from her, she’d think that I used her and abandoned her.
Then, she would truly hate me.
Which was better?
Hate me and be safe? Or stay with me and be at risk of death?
Are you really scared for her safety, or are you just scared of commitment?a voice whispered in my head.What difference would it make if you let her go now? Your enemies already have their eyes on her. The day she walks out of here is the day her life will really be in grave danger.
As much as it pained me to admit, the voice was right. With everything that had happened, she was safer within these walls.
To cope with the consequences of my actions, I deluded myself into thinking it was a mistake. I told myself it was a moment of weakness that wasn’t going to repeat itself again. Even though deep down, I knew that was crap. Bullshit.
So I kept my distance, hiding behind the excuse that work had been stressful.
On the other hand, she didn’t seem to be bothered by my distance, and I wasn’t sure what to make of that. Perhaps she needed some space to get her act together?
I mean, she did willingly give her virginity to a ruthless, cold-blooded murderer. That had got to take some kind of toll on her after the sexual hunger had worn off.
But that wasn’t the case. If it were, she would barely come out of her room and would be overwhelmed by regret. She wasn’t.
Instead, she now moved about the house as if she belonged here. Calm. Casual and unbothered. Whenever she passed me in the hallway and our eyes met, something inside me fractured.
I was drawn to her. It was obvious. Not sure why, but I was. My men used to make silly jokes about her, and I would just ignore them. However, lately, no one dared to speak of her in a derogatory manner.
Why?
Because I forbade it.
Konstantin had once made a joke about her attitude and how he couldn’t wait to see her gone for good. That statement, although structured to be funny, didn’t sit well with me. And without hesitation, I warned him never to speak of her in that manner again.
This happened during a meeting downtown, and after I spoke, silence fell. Nobody saw my reaction coming. Nobody.
They didn’t expect me to take his words personally. Because they thought it was just one of those days when they would casually say stuff about her and get away with it.
However, they learned so quickly that that was a line they were no longer allowed to cross. This happened even before wemade out; before I tasted her and realized just how sweet she was.